Mutual respect: Why parents need to earn their respect from children

Many parents feel entitled to respect from children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents feel deserving of respect from children. However, the fact of the matter is that respect for parents is earned, not handed out for free on a silver platter.

The doctrine of mutual respect is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to selflessly serve their children, just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children from punishment one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Respect for parents was a thing for children growing up in the Early Church. However, this respect came in the form of closeness to parents, as opposed to fear of parents. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did her child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or else on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not leavimg mom out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever a child cried, mom cooed at children before picking them up, and from there, she diagnosed the need before meeting that need. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Whatever children needed, they got it. When children under age 6 were out and about with mothers, mom wrapped up their child next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - were tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress worn by mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. Children growing up in the Early Church went naked wherever they went, with mothers also going naked in the confines of the family home. This birth nudity helped to facilitate easy skin-on-skin contact, with rays of skin-on-skin warmth happening even when the child was merely picked up. 

Children, in most cases, respected their parents as adults, by giving back to their parents in some way. I myself pay for the restaurant bill when out and about with my mother. However, parents had to earn the respect that they received by forming a secure attachment. All the Fifth Commandment means is to take care of your parents as they age, as a show of gratitude for all of the fond memories with parents. However, you can disown your parents whenever they are entitled or abusive in nature

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.