Honor parents: Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Many parents think that they are entitled to being honored by their children. This is a common wish on the part of parents. However, the Fifth Commandment simply refers to caring for aging parents, and only if they earned such care. 

God's Law states in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

This commandment simply means that aging parents were cared for in Ancient Israelite society. However, parents had to earn being cared for, and that meant parents had to care for their children when they were still young. If parents were abusive at all, children could shun their parents.

Honoring parents is a part of the doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers here to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This highlighted word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment ultimately came from  parent submission, where parents are to selflessly serve their children as they would God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers here to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Proper parenting, as understood in its original context, reaped rewards for parents later on. Most parents in the Early Church were attachment parents, and loved their children deeply. The rewards came later, in the form of children caring for aging parents, or else with children giving back to their parents in some way. I myself honor my mother by paying the restaurant bill. Maybe my mother did abuse me, but I forgive while still remembering what she did to me. If she wasn't sorry, I could disown her just for that.

The depraved and entitled patents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!