Temper tantrums: Why temper tantrums are not bad behavior

Many parents have had to deal with it. A child kicking on the ground, throwing a fully blown temper tantrum. However, most American parents believe that a tantrumming child is being "bad". However, the fact of the matter is that temper tantrums are not bad behavior, but instead are normal behavior that is to be expected given the child's age and development.

Tending to temper tantrums in children is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely onto the parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was intended in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Children cry for a variety of reasons. In the Early Church, mothers responded to the EVERY cry of a child, with crying and tantrumming in children being seen not as bad behavior, but instead seen as a child trying to communicate a vulnerable need. Children cried from their place of rest in relation to parents, and mothers then cooed at the child, putting the child at ease. From there, mothers diagnosed the needs, then meeting those vulnerable needs. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. 

Cooing at children is a primal vocalization on the part of mothers especially, but also fathers who doted on mother and child from afar. The purpose of this vocalization is to sap up and reassure a crying child. The cooing of mothers in biblical times ultimately put children at ease, so that mothers could better assess what their child needed, and then meet that need.

Most temper tantrums come from the word "no". However, under the customary law in the biblical context, parents were forbidden from using the word "no" to decline a petitioned request from a child, by default. The only exceptions to this rule is if the petitioned requests from children were unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Even then, when parents had to decline a petitioned request, they were required by customary law to give an explanation and reassurance when they uttered the word "no", with parents usually finding a nice-sounding alternative to a flat out "no". 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!