"Benign" deprivation: Why children need everything that they need

Many parents believe in what is called "benign" deprivation. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents cut corners, and punish children merely for having vulnerable needs. However, the fact of the matter is that children need all of their needs, not just some of them. 

"Benign" deprivation is a violation of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. The burden of proof in a mutual submission relationship falls squarely on the parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In  the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and oppose any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The concept of "benign" deprivation is a shortcut in parenting, where parents pick and choose what needs their child "deserves" or "doesn't deserve". However, this concept is alien to the Bible when using the context as a guidepost. Children need ALL of what they need, not just some of their needs. Whenever a child cried in biblical times, mothers were quick to respond to the cry, cooing at children in order to put them at ease. From there, mothers diagnosed the need, and then met that need. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period.

Children have five main categories of needs; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - and the greatest of these needs is attachment! Attachment is a core need of children. When children were tired, it was counted as an attachment need in biblical times, because mothers co-snuggled next to their children when they were crying their tired cry. 

A common way for parents to deprive children of their needs is to say "no" all of the time, to almost everything that a child wants. However, under customary law in biblical times, parents were by default prohibited from giving the word "no" to children. The exception to that rule was if the child wanted something unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Even when children were told "no", they were given an explanation as well as reassurance. It is a myth that children need to hear the word "no" all of the time. Wants usually fall into the category of attachment needs, meaning if you say "no" to a child all of the time, that damages the parent-child relationship. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!