Mutual respect: Why respect is earned in parenting

Many parents want respect from their children. This is a common desire on the part of parents. However, most American parents demand respect from their children. The fact of the matter, however, is that respect is earned in life, including in parenting.

Mutual respect is a part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely on parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your children as a quartered slave. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Respect for parents was a thing in the Early Church. However, this respect came in the form of closeness to parents, not fear of parents. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever mothers went, so did her child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or else on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing mothers out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried out loud, mothers cooed at the child before picking them up, and from there, mothers diagnosed the need and then met it. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Whenever mothers and children under age 6 were out and about in public, mom wrapped up her child next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - being tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress worn by mothers, that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this co-sleeping warmth happening every night, until the onset of puberty, which is when children, in most cases, wanted their own place to sleep. Children went naked wherever they went, with mothers also going naked within the confines of the family home. This birth nudity setup helped facilitate easy skin-on-skin contact, with this sustaining warmth happening even when the child was merely picked up.

Respect for parents comes from respect for children. Parents are not deserving of anything in relation to children. Not even respect. Not even forgiveness. Not even affection. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. A parent needs to earn what they want from children, as opposed to it being handed out on a silver platter.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!