Child discipline: How to discipline your child the right way (meaning without punishment or force)

Many parents want children to have discipline. This is a common desire on the part of parents. Most American parents support the concept of child discipline. However, most parents think that punishment is appropriate discipline for a child. However, the fact of the matter is that proper discipline involves children being caught being good.

The concept of proper child discipline is spelled out in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishment, reprimands, ot other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers here to gently melding the countenance of a child. In light of stanza 1 of Eph. 6:4, this melding of the countenance can only mean one thing - lavishly praising and encouraging children when caught in the act of good behavior. Whenever children were caught in the act of being good, they were praised and encouraged with statements such as "keep headed down the straight path". Children ultimately learned good traits through the Christian example of parents. However, this good example was backed up by praise and encouragement, not punishment and force. Children also need religious instruction, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to self-directed religious instruction. This religious instruction, in biblical times, started out with fathers leaving out a Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught in the act of studying the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged with statements such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, with fathers being quick to give pointers on the context. Today, children also have the Internet to lean on for religious learning. This religious instruction, and the lavish praise and encouragement that came with it, centered the countenance of children, with a centered countenance being the ultimate goal of Judeo-Christian parenting.

Children were only disciplined in Bible when caught in the act of being good, meaning usually self-controlled. Most of the time, when children were caught being "naughty", parents laughed it off. When parents were hurt by the actions of their children, they cried alongside their children. Most childhood behaviors are developmentally appropriate given the age and development of a child, with parents in biblical times knowing this intuitively.

Children, for the first 6 years of childhood, were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever mom went, so did her child. For the latter half of childhood, children ran around and played freely, exploring the terrain, venturing farther and farther from home, playing high-risk games such as "marriage". Children up until the age of majority went naked wherever they went, with mothers also going naked within the confines of the family home. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!