Temper tantrums: Why temper tantrums are not bad behavior

Many parents think that temper tantrums are a reason for punishing a child. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents think temper tantrums are bad behavior that is deserving of punishment. However, the fact of the matter is that the Early Christians saw things differently, meaning that they saw temper tantrums as a means of communication on the part of the child, worthy of an explanation and reassurance.

The idea of reassurance for children is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely on the parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to a secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger'' is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishment, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Temper tantrums were not seen as bad behavior in the Early Church. Instead, the Early Christians saw temper tantrums as a means of communicating a vulnerable need. Whenever children cried and threw a temper tantrum, they were picked up in skin-on-skin sustaining warmth, and from there, mom diagnosed the need and then met it. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Either way, mom was right there for her child's needs.

Most temper tantrums come from hearing the word "no" all of the time. The fact of the matter is that children growing up in the Early Church were told "no" rarely, meaning almost never. Under customary law, the only time parents could say "no"  was when the request was unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Even then, most parents struck up a compromise with their children, thus avoiding a flat out "no". When parents absolutely had to say "no", they gave their children explanation, as well as comfort to cushion the blow from the impact of the word "no". 

When out and about, mothers pacified the tears of children under age 6 by way of wrapping up their young child next to their bosom in swaddling blankets. From there, the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - were tucked underneath the loose fitting, revealing dress worn by mothers that resembled an apron. Mothers beforehand, in biblical times, tied the swaddling blankets from the left breast, then across the dot to the right leg, or vice versa, or both in the case of twins. Whenever children cried while swaddled, they were held even closer to mom's bosom, with the child's tears being pacified in the process, and then the mother reassured the crying child, perhaps breastfeeding the child if he/she was milk-hungry - even in public if she was called to breastfeed in public. The swaddling blankets were made of velvet, which was grown throughout the Ancient Middle East. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!