Righteous ordering: Why parents are to heel to the command of their children

Many parents think that they call the shots. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents want their children to heel to their command. However, the fact of the matter is that the Bible commands that parents heel to the command of their children.

Righteous ordering is a part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof in a parent-child relationship falling squarely on the parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parents and children. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40; 25:31-46. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Christian parents in the Early Church were required to heel to the command of their children, as per customary law. This means that parents were to say "yes" to pretty much every command coming from their children. The only way that parents could disobey the commands of their children was when said commands were unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Even then, parents usually struck up a compromise with their children. Children need to hear a flat out "no" rarely, meaning almost never. Whenever Christian parents in the Early Church said "no" flat out, children were reassured with reassurance and an explanation. Children growing up in the Early Church got most everything that they wanted, and absolutely everything that they needed. Instead of parents setting limits all of the time, children set limits with parents in the Early Church.

Righteous ordering can be understood as going to a restaurant. You can have it your way, but it has to be on the menu. If an item is not available, the waitress is nice about it, even if you aren't. Parenting a child should be like being waitstaff at a restaurant. The child gives the order to mom and dad, and children in most cases get what they want. 

Righteous ordering also be understood in policing terms. The parent gives up the fight with their child, and gives in to the orders of their children. The role of children in biblical times was to enforce their needs onto their parents, petitioning parents as to what they need, with parents then giving children almost everything that they wanted, and absolutely everything that they needed.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!