Child discipline: Why proper child discipline involves praise and encouragement (as opposed to punishment and force)

Many parents believe children should have discipline in their lives. This is a common attitude amongst Americans parents. Most American parents think children need punishment in order to be disciplined. However, the fact of the matter is that proper discipline involves catching children right in the act of being good. 

Catching children being good is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40, 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended in its original context as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, as modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children then following in their parents' footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged by fathers with statement such as "keep headed down the straight path" . This Greek root word refers to anything that melded the countenance of children, which lavish praise and encouragement surely does. The commandment not to provoke a child to wrath surely clarifies that discipline should be gentle. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Religious instruction started with parents leaving out a Bible for children to discover and explore. When children went caught in the act of reading the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement from fathers such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in answer and question format, based off of what children saw in the text. Children were eager to learn the fact of life, with fathers being quick to give pointers on the context. Religious development is a part of child development, with religion being a need for children and adults alike. Younger children - past age 6 - start out with children forming simplistic religious beliefs non-conforming to any religious denomination or sect. However, as children get older, they started to grow towards a specific religious denomination or sect. Praise and encourage ultimately accelerates the instruction of the Lord coming from fathers, with children wanting to please their fathers in the course of religious instruction.

What motivates children to hear out the instruction of fathers? Why not start out with a secure attachment between mothers and children. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness with mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or else on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing mom out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children before picking them up, and from there, she diagnosed the need before meeting that need. Maybe the child was tired, maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. When mothers and children under age 6 were out and about in public, mom wrapped up their children next to their bosom in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - being tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress worn by mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this co-sleeping co-sleeping warmth lasting every night, until the onset of puberty, which is when children wanted their own place to sleep. Children in the Early Church went naked wherever they went, with mothers also going naked within the confines of the fhe family home. This birth nudity setup helped facilitate easy skin-on-skin contact, with children soaking up the rays of skin-on-skin sustaining warmth merely when the child was even picked up.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torments, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven at hand!