The word "no": Why children need to hear the word "no" rarely (meaning almost never)

Many parents think that children need to hear the word "no" often. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents take up the attitude that children should "no" frequent and often. However, this was not how things went in the Early Christian context. In the Early Church, children heard no seldom, meaning almost never. Instead, children need to hear the word "yes" frequent and often.

The word "yes", when used often, is a part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof falling squarely on the parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40; 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context. as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, 'reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The word "no" was used by Christian parents in the Early Church seldom, meaning almost never. Parents instead heeled to the command of their child, with parents being required under customary law to say "yes" to children whenever possible. Parents were only allowed to say "no" in the case that the petitioned request of children was unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Even then, parents usually struck up a compromise with children.

Children growing up in the Early Church got most everything that they wanted, and absolutely everything that they needed. When young children under age 6 were out and about with mothers, they were swaddled next to the bosom of mothers, and even then, the child pointed to what they wanted, and mothers got the item off of the shelf, just for the child. Older children were given their own spending money, with this money never coming from chores, but instead was a free handout from parents. This was intended as a natural consequence, teaching children the finite nature of money.

Children do not need to hear the word "no" all of the time. Children have five basic categories of needs; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - and the core of these needs is attachment! Part of a secure attachment is children hearing the word "yes" far more often than the word "no". Children have no need to hear the word "no", as this damages the relationship between parents and children.  

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!