The word "no": Why children need to hear the word "no" seldom (meaning almost never)

Many parents think that children need to hear the word "no" often. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. The word "no" is used frequently by most American parents. However, the fact of the matter is that the Bible and its context prescribes that the word "no" be used seldom by parents, meaning almost never. Children need to hear the word "yes" far more often than the word "no".

The word "yes", used often, is a part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment ultimately comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40; 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few children during his time as a deacon.

It is a myth that children need to hear the word "no" from parents "frequent and often". The fact of the matter is that children growing up in the Early Church got most everything that they wanted, and absolutely everything that they needed. Christian parents in the Early Church heeled themselves to the command of a child, saying "yes" most all of the time that children petitioned them for something. When parents had to avoid saying "yes", they usually came to a compromise with their children instead of saying a flat out "no".

The word "no", by default, was banned by way of customary law in the Early Church. Parents were required by customary law to say "yes" frequent and often to the command of the child, and "no" rarely. The only time a parent could say "no" was when the command of the child was unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. When the word "no" was handed down by parents, the child's parents were required to gel the situation by offering an explanation as well as reassurance. 

When out and about with mothers, children often wanted to buy something. Children under age 6 were wrapped up in swaddling blankets next to mothers, and they often pointed to an item that they wanted, usually sweets or candy of some sort, and mothers bought them what they wanted in most cases. Children older than age 6 were given their own spending money by mothers, not from doing chores, but as charity from parents, with parents giving their children money while receiving absolutely nothing in return.

The every vulnerable plea of a child for what they wanted was seen as a command for the parents to heel to. The every wish of a child was the command of parents, with few exceptions. The main reason for parents to say "no" to children was to deter sexually amoral choices such as child-on-child sexual interactions. Even then, the child was reassured with statements such as "you'll get your chance once you're married". Parents said "no" warmly and reassuringly, meaning with a token of apology for offending the child with the word "no".

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!