Righteous ordering: Why parents are to heel to the command of their child

Many parents think that children need parents to set limits with them. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents think they have the right to mete out orders onto their children. However, the fact of the matter is that righteous ordering means parents have to heel to the command of their children.

Heeling to the command of children is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the burden of proof in this relationship falling squarely on parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40; 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages and offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Righteous ordering ultimately refers to parents heeling to the command of their children. Children in biblical times issued commands to their parents. In most cases, parents heeled themselves to the command from children. The only times that parents were allowed to say "no" was when the commands coming from the child were unsafe, unworkable, and/or immoral. Even then, parents struck up a compromise with their children in most cases. 

The word "no" was used seldom by parents in biblical times, meaning almost never. Children growing up in the Early Church got most everything that they wanted, and absolutely everything that they needed. Parents heeled to the commands of children in most all cases. Children growing up in the Early Church were given freedom to impose standards and limits on their parents.

Righteous ordering can be understood as akin to ordering from a restaurant. You can have it your way, but it has to be on the menu. When the restaurant doesn't carry an item, the waitress is nice about it, even if your aren't. Parents are to wait on children hand over foot, acting as a hired bondservant serving the child, working for a lump sum - meaning the child is as independent as possible. 

Children are extended by God to the doorstep of Christian parents, for love and charity, with parents expecting absolutely nothing in return. Parenting isn't about being like God, but instead is about serving God, with children being extensions of God to be righteously enslaved to. Children issue the commands, and parents heel to them.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and burning sulfur, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!