Christian attachment parenting: Why the Early Christians were attachment parents

Many parents think that attachment parenting is the irresponsible parenting choice. Most American parents are opposed to attachment parenting. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, most parents do not know the Truth on parenting in the Bible - the Early Christians were attachment parents, not punitive parenting.

America is a Christian nation, founded on Judeo-Christian values. The Bible is a founding document of this country, even above the Constitution itself. We as a nation glean from the Bible and its context as to how society should be set up. Nowhere in the Bible does it legitimately say to punish or be controlling with a child. The most that happened in the Old Testament was the rare judicial whipping, as a final warning before putting a criminal offender to death. Those harsh punishments were abolished by Christ's work on the cross.

Christian attachment parenting is summed up in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See Matt. 22:35-40; 25:31-46.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing their children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their parents' footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught by fathers showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged with statements such as "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when caught by fathers being good, whereas girls were given a kiss to the forehead by fathers when caught being good. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Religious instruction started out with fathers leaving out a Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged with statements such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in the form of question and answer, based off of what children saw in the text. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, and fathers were quick to give pointers on the context. Religious development is a part of child development, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. Younger children - past age 6 - start out with simplistic religious beliefs non-conforming to any religious denomination or sect. However, as children get older, they grow towards a specific religious denomination or sect. It may not be the religion that you would choose, but at least they have values.

What motivates a child to hear out the instruction of fathers? Why not start out with a secure attachment with mothers? For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness, meaning that wherever mothers went, so did her child. For the first 2 years of childhood, mothers held children constantly, either in her loving arms, or else on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing mom out of their line of sight, fearing morbidly that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at children before picking them up, and from there, she diagnosed the need and met it. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. When mothers and children under age 6 were out and about, mom wrapped up the child next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress worn by mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this skin-on-skin co-sleeping warmth happening every time, until the onset of puberty, which is when most children wanted their own place to sleep. Children went naked in biblical times wherever they went, with mothers also going naked within the confines of the family home. This birth nudity helped facilitate easy skin-on-skin contact, with skin-on-skin friction happening every time a child was even picked up. 

Mothers nurture from up close, and fathers nurture from afar. Fathers kept their distance from their children, and left the up close nurturing to mothers. This was because of a sexual attachment between father and child, with this sexual attachment usually being towards daughters. However, in the Early Christian culture - unlike other ancient societies - fathers could not have their "icing on the cake". The most fathers could hope for was daughters enjoying being naked in the eyeshot of their fathers. The Greek root word denoting lust is έπιθυμέω (Latin: epithumeo) and refers not to ordinary sexual desire, but to sexual entitlement. Sexual entitlement is defined as, officially speaking, sexual want, to the point of sexually motivated approach. It is okay to look the look, and maybe think the think later, even concerning your daughter as a father. But, there is a big difference between thinking the think and doing the deed/ If you did the deed with a child - even by flirting or propositioning - you should not have approached her. Even if she is right there in a swimsuit, flirting and propositioning a child is the same as doing the deed. Doing the deed also means touching a child anywhere on their body with sexual intent. The only way out of the approach is in - righteous masturbation is a good way to stay out of trouble. Try it once, and you will have immediate self-control over your sexual behavior. What also helps is aversion imagery, with me using images of Hell to deter me from doing the deed with a child, or even approaching her. Under no circumstance, however, was sexual relations with a child lawful in the Early Church. Even marriages had to be equal in terms of both age and place of life, with the father being able to stop an unequal marriage right at the exchange of vows. Father-daughter incest was completely unlawful in the Early Church.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!