Righteous ordering: Why parents should heel to the command of their child

Many parents think that they should issue orders and edicts. This is a common view amongst American parents. Most American parents think that children should listen to them, and feel entitled to children listening to them. However, children in the biblical context instead issued orders and edicts, with parents heeling to their children.

Righteous ordering is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well being unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40; 25:31-46. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Righteous ordering means something very simple - parents are to heel to the command of their children. Most parents in the Early Church heeled to the command of their children as part of customary law, with children issuing orders and edicts from their place of rest in relation to their parents. Parents were required to heel to the command of their children in almost all cases. The only exception was if the commands of the child were unsafe, unworkable, or immoral. Even when children heard the word "no", an explanation and a reassurance was required. Most parents sought to compromise with their children, instead of giving children an all-out "no". 

Children growing up in the Early Church got most all of what they wanted, and absolutely all of what they needed. Most parents heeled to the command of their children. Even when children cried, mothers responded to the every vulnerable need of their child, heeling to the command that is the cry of their child, seeing the every cry of a child as a summonses calling parents to heel to the every need of a child.

Righteous ordering is like going to a restaurant. You can have it your way, but it has to be on the menu. If it isn't on the menu, the waitress is nice about it, even if you aren't. Parenting should be there for the righteous usage of their children, with parents waiting on their children hand and foot. Parents were not likened to God in the Early Church, but instead were likened to a bondservant earning a lump sum while working for God. Children were seen as a vulnerable appearance of God issuing commands for parents to heel to. The lump sum earned by parents was the child being as independent as possible. 

Parents in biblical times rarely set limits. Instead, Christian parents in the Early Church submitted and heeled to children setting limits. Most of the time, children were saying the word "no", and parents respected the orders of their child. Children asked for plenty, and got plenty. When children were out and about with mothers at market, they got the sweets that they asked for that was on the stand. Sometimes, the children pardoned a lamb from slaughter that the parents bought just for their children, even if they knew that they would be taking care of the lamb.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!