Strictness in parenting: Why children should be encouraged to be strict with themselves (as opposed to strict treatment of children)

Many parents want strict attitudes in their children. This is a common wish on the part of parents. However, most American parents try to get their children to be strict with themselves by being strict with their children as parents. The fact of the matter is that children can come to strict attitudes almost entirely on their own.

Strict attitudes in children are NOT gained by parents imposing strictness onto children. Children grow up almost entirely on their own, and form strict attitudes almost entirely on their own. All parents need to do is praise and encourage strict attitudes once children show such attitudes, in order to speed up the process.

Strictness in parenting is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating them as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their parents' footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught by fathers showing strict attitudes - such as self-discipline and self-control - they were given lavish praise and encouragement with statements such as "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when caught by fathers showing strict attitudes, whereas girls were given a kiss to the forehead when caught by fathers showing strict attitudes. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Religious instruction started out with fathers leaving out a Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible by fathers, they were given lavish praise and encouragement with statements such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, based off of what children saw in the text. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, with fathers being quick to give pointers on the context. Religious development is a part of child development, with religion being a human need for children and adults alike. Young children - starting around age 6 - start out with simplistic religious beliefs non-conforming to any religious denomination or sect. However, as they get older, they start to conform to a specific religious denomination or sect. It may not be the religion that you would choose, but at least they have values.

What motivates children to hear out the instruction of their fathers? Why not start out with a secure attachment with mothers? For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or on mom's back in a papoose bag. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not letting mom out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children before picking them up, and from there, she diagnosed the need and met the need petitioned by children. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Whenever children were out and about with mothers, mom wrapped up the child next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - being tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress of mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this skin-on-skin warmth happening every night, until the onset of puberty, when children wanted their own place to sleep. Children went naked wherever they went, with mothers also going naked within the confines of the family home. This birth nudity setup facilitated easy skin-on-skin sustaining warmth, with skin-on-skin friction happening every time the mother picked up the child.

Strictness in parenting does not come from parents being strict with their children. Instead, strictness in parenting comes from spotting strict attitudes in children, and then praising and encouraging those strict attitudes in children. Children naturally want to follow your strict example, so when you see that strictness in your children, you should give them lavish praise and encouragement for them to keep doing the good work. Praise and encouragement, when regularly applied, should speed up the discipline process in a child, and make children want to continue showing strict attitudes in order to please you. Children naturally want to please you, but may not know what pleases you, until you catch them showing strict attitudes, and then you praise and encourage them to keep up the good work.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!