Righteous ordering: Why to heel to the commands of your child

Many parents think that children should listen to and obey them. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents believe that they have the right to their children listening to and obeying them. However, the Bible, in context, teaches that parents should heel to the commands of their children.

Heeling to the command of a child is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon. 

Children in biblical times called the shots, with the parents heeling to the command of the child. Righteous ordering is where children issue orders and decrees towards parents from their place of rest. In most cases, parents had to heel to the commands of their child. The only valid reason for parents saying the word "no" then was when the commands of the child were completely unworkable and/or immoral.

Children in the Early Church got pretty much everything that they wanted, and absolutely everything that they needed. When young children under age 6 cried, mothers heeled to the cries of the child, cooing at their child before picking them up. From there, mothers met the every need of a child, including most of what they wanted. Most of the time, parents in the Early Church compromised with their children to avoid saying "no". 

Righteous ordering can be seen as going to a restaurant. You can have it your way, but it has to be on the menu. If the food you want isn't on the menu, the waitress is nice about it, even if you aren't. Parents were seen in biblical times as like waitstaff, waiting on their child hand and food, allowing for children to use them up like a sponge or a milking-cow. 

It is a myth that parents should parent like God does, as God is a stern parent to His children (see also Heb. 12:5-8). A parent should instead consider themselves a bondservant to their children, taking orders from their child, working for a lump sum. That lump sum is not obedience, but instead the child being as independent as possible. The idea behind proper parenting is to allow your child to order you around in the mean time. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!