Honor thy parents: Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Many parents feel entitled to respect and honor from their children. This is a common attitude that parents have towards their children. The Fifth Commandment is a common excuse for parents to punish their children for alleged crimes such as speaking against parents.

The Fifth Commandment reads in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee. 

This commandment does not refer merely to speaking against parents. This commandment simply means do not commit elder abuse against your parents. The rest of the Law clarifies what this commandment means. This commandment prohibits striking or physically attacking parents (see also Exod. 21:15), gaslighting parents to send them places (see also Lev. 20:9), or blaming parents for moral crimes that you committed (see also Deut. 21:18-21). Apart from that, parents are to earn honor from their children. That was how the courts in biblical times enforced laws against dishonoring parents.

The easiest way to understand the Fifth Commandment in the context of childhood is that you can use your parents righteously for pretty much anything you want, and they are there for you - your wish is your parents' command. However, children should not be encouraged to strike out at fathers or mothers. When parents were struck by their children in biblical times, they cried out loud in the form of righteous wailing. Once you cry with your child in their angry tears, you may find that your child just wants to be heard. However, parents are to discourage children striking out at them.

The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke their children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Respect for parents was a real concept in biblical times. But, that respect was based off of closeness to parents, not fear of parents. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing mom out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mothers would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children before picking them up, and from there, diagnosed the need of children. Maybe they were tired. Maybe they were hungry. Maybe they needed mom's milk. Maybe they needed mom, period. When children under age 6 were out and about with mothers, they were wrapped up next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - being tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format every night, until the onset of puberty, which was when children wanted their own place to sleep. Children went naked wherever they went, with mothers also going naked within the confines of the family home. This birth nudity setup facilitated easy skin-on-skin sustaining warmth between mothers and children, meaning that whenever mom picked up a child, they engaged in skin-on-skin contact with a child.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger though punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!