Hebrews 12:5-8: Why this passage is not a spanking passage

Many parents punish their children. Most American parents, at some level, cite the Bible as an excuse for punishing their children. This is a common attitude in American parents. The main passage holding together the teaching of biblical spanking is Heb. 12:5-8. However, this passage is not a spanking passage, and doesn't even have anything to do with earthly parenting.

God's Word reads in Hebrews 12:5-8 KJV:

And ye have forgotten the exhortation that speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastisement, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards and not sons.

This passage, when interpreted correctly, is comforting to me. Paul was comforting the Hebrew Christians in their persecution by the Romans. The Greek root word translated "scourgeth" is μαστιγόω (Latin: mastigoó) and can have a figurative meaning to it. In this context, Paul is using the 40 minus 1 lashes as a metaphor for God's discipline of His children. What Paul is using is rod language, meaning that when you had a long day at work then, you said "God whipped me hard today". What Paul is talking about is enduring all odds, meaning that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 

God whips His children, like only He can, sending trials and tribulations the way of the believer. But, God only whips His children when it doesn't harm them. However, earthly parents only whip their children when it does harm them. Because of the flawed nature of earthly parents, earthly parents should parent as comes naturally, meaning attachment parenting. Heb. 12:5-8 is not a verse about an earthly parent. However, there are parenting passages in the Bible that were intended as such. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating them as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their parents' footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged by fathers with statements such as "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise by fathers when caught being good, whereas girls were given a kiss to the forehead by fathers when caught being good. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. This religious instruction began with fathers leaving out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible for their children to discover and explore. When children were caught exploring the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged by fathers with statements such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in the form of question and answer, based off of what children saw in the biblical text. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, with fathers being quick to give pointers on the context. 

Religious development is a part of child development, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. Young children - past age 6 - form simplistic religious beliefs non-conforming to any religious denomination or sect. But, children eventually form religious beliefs that grow towards a specific religious denomination or sect. It may not be the religion that you would choose, but at least they have values.

What motivates children to hear out the instruction of their fathers? Why not start out with a secure attachment to mothers? For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness with mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing mom out of their sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children before picking them up, and from there, diagnosing the child's needs. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. When children under age 6 were out and about with mothers, they were wrapped up next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this skin-on-skin co-sleeping happening every night, until the onset of puberty, which was when children wanted their own place to sleep. Children went naked wherever they went, with mothers also going naked within the confines of the family home. This birth nudity setup facilitated easy skin-on-skin sustaining warmth for children, with this skin-on-skin contact happening every time mom picked up her children. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever1 Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!