Child discipline: How to discipline your child the right way (meaning without punishment or force)

Many parents want their children to have discipline. This is a common want amongst American parents. Most American parents want their children to have discipline. However, most parents conflate punishment with discipline. However, the fact of the matter is that proper Christian discipline involves catching children being good, as opposed to them being caught being bad.

Child discipline is spelled out in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defned under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon. 

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their parents' footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged by fathers with statements such as "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise by fathers when caught being good, whereas girls were given a kiss to the forehead by fathers when caught being good. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Religious instruction started out with fathers leaving out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged with statements such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, based off of what children saw in the text. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, and fathers were quick to give pointers on the context. Religious development is a form of child development, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. Young children - age 6 or older - start out by developing simplistic beliefs non-conforming to any religious denomination or sect. However, as they get older, grow spiritually towards a specific religious denomination or sect. It may not be your choice of religion, but at least they have values.

How do you motivate a child to hear out the instruction of their fathers? Why not start out with a secure attachment to mothers? For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever mothers went, so did their child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing mom out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mothers would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at children before picking them up, and from there, she diagnosed the need. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. When children under age 6 were out and about with mothers, children were wrapped up next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - being tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this skin-on-skin co-sleeping happening every night, until the child reached the onset of puberty, which was when children wanted their own place to sleep. Children were naked wherever they went, with mothers also being naked within the confines of the family home. This birth nudity helped facilitate easy skin-on-skin sustaining warmth.

Mothers nurture up close, and fathers nurture from afar. Fathers nurtured by stepping in occasionally, and praising and encouraging children - past age 6 - when they were caught being good. Apart from that, fathers kept their distance from their children. This was because of a sexual attachment between father and child, usually father and daughter. Fathers sexually imprinted on children through masturbation. But, even fathers then were not allowed to have their "icing on the cake". Fathers masturbated, with this righteous masturbation leading to a closer bond with older children once they were ready to learn the facts of life. Righteous masturbation made it easier for fathers to relate to children on their level. All praise and encouragement of children from fathers happened at the child's level.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!