Christian attachment parenting: Why the Early Christians were attachment parents

Many parents think that the Bible allows for punitive parenting such as spanking or punishment. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. However, the fact of the matter is that the Bible commands attachment parenting as the way for earthly parents to bring up their children.

Christian attachment parenting is attachment parenting based off of the parenting traditions of the Early Christian context. We as a nation are founded on Judeo-Christian values. The Bible is a founding document for this country, even above the Constitution itself. Nowhere in the Bible does it legitimately say to strike or punish a child.

Christian attachment parenting is spelled out in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. The parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to, in this context, to modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their child, with children following in their parents' footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged by fathers with statements such as "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise by fathers when caught being good, whereas girls were given a kiss to the forehead by fathers when caught being good. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Religious instruction started out with fathers leaving out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible, for children to discover and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged with statements such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instructions came in question and answer format, based off of the text that the children come across. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, with fathers being quick to give pointers on the context. Religious development is a part of child development. Young children - past age 6 - develop simplistic religious beliefs non-conforming to any religious denomination or sect. But, as they get older, they start to grow towards a specific religious denomination or sect, thereby conforming to that religious denomination or sect. It may not be the religion you would choose, but at least they have values.

What motivates a child to hear out the instruction of their fathers? Why not start with a secure attachment to mothers? For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or else on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between the ages of 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing mom out of their sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers responded to the child's upset by way of cooing at the child before picking them up, and from there, diagnosing the need of the child. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. When children under age 6 were out and about with mothers, they were wrapped up next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - being tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress that mothers wore. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy every night, with this co-sleeping setup lasting until the onset of puberty, when children wanted their own place to sleep. Children went naked wherever they went, with mothers also going naked within the confines of the family home. This birth nudity setup facilitated easy skin-on-skin sustaining warmth, with children getting skin-on-skin time with their mothers every time they were picked up. 

Mothers nurture up close, and fathers nurture from afar. Fathers nurtured by stepping in and providing praise and encouragement when a child was caught being good. Fathers kept their distance - especially from young children under age 6, because of a sexual attachment to their children. But, even in the Early Church, fathers were not allowed their "icing on the cake". Fathers instead masturbated righteously, meaning masturbated in order to stay out of trouble. This righteous masturbation helped fathers form a rapport with the children he was educating. All the father usually had to do was masturbate righteously for a couple of sessions before moving on and focusing on forming a rapport with the children he was educating. All he could hope for was his daughter wanting to go naked for him, because she was otherwise well taken care of. The sin line was when the father approached the daughter for sexual favors, or even just to flirt with his daughter. It is one thing to look the look at your daughter's naked body, or even think the think about her later, but if you want to do the deed - which includes flirting and propositioning a child - you shouldn't be approaching that child. The only way out of approaching a child is masturbating righteously. The father may also need to char and tar the approach with images of Hell.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!