Child discipline: Disciplining your child properly (meaning without punishment or force)

Many parents want children to have discipline. This is a common wish that a parent has towards their child. Most American parents want their children to have at least some discipline. However, there is a right way and a wrong way to discipline your child. 

Proper child discipline is spelled out in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their child as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their parents' footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever a child was caught showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged with statements such as "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when caught being good by fathers, whereas girls were given a kiss to the forehead when caught being good by fathers. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Religious instruction started out with fathers leaving out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement with statements such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, based off of what children saw in the text. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, with fathers quick to give pointers on the context. Religious development is a part of child development, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. Young children - past age 6 in most cases - at first develop simplistic religious beliefs non-conforming to any religious denomination or sect. But, as they got older, they start to conform to a specific religious denomination or sect. It may not be the religion you would choose, but at least they have values. Parents can filter what religion they want their children to have by leaving out only a Bible for children to explore. 

What leads to a child hearing out the instruction of their fathers? Why not start out with a secure attachment to mothers? For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning wherever mothers went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held, either in mom's loving arms, or else on mom's back when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her around from room to room, not allowing mom out of their sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at the child before picking them up, before diagnosing a vulnerable need. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Whenever mother and child were out and about, mothers wrapped up their child - under age 6 - next to her bosom in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - being tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress of mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this co-sleeping setup, in most cases, lasting until the onset of puberty, which was when most children wanted their own place to sleep. Children went naked in biblical times, wherever they went, with mothers also being naked within the confines of the family home. This birth nudity setup facilitated skin-on-skin warmth and sustenance. 

Mothers nurtured up close, whereas fathers nurtured from afar. Mothers nurtured in a sustaining way, whereas fathers nurtured in a teaching way. The sole function of fathers in relation to children was to step in and offer praise and encouragement when children were caught being good. When children were getting into mischief, parents had a sense of humor, and got a good laugh before cleaning up the mess themselves, and redirecting the child to appropriate behavior. Fathers were distant from their children due to a sexual attachment between father and child. However, fathers, even then, weren't allowed their "icing on the cake", but instead masturbated to sexual thoughts of their children, usually their daughters. Daughters wanted to look attractive to their father, and enjoyed being naked for him, as they were otherwise well cared for. The moral crime was not child nudity, but instead approaching your daughter for sexual or flirtatious reasons. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!