"Benign" deprivation: Why children need all of what they need

Many parents think that there are ways to cut corners in dealing with their children. This is a common choice amongst American parents. Most parents in this country practice a form of child abuse known as "benign" deprivation. This is based off of the concept that children don't need their every need met, so save your energy as a parent for "actual" needs. This couldn't be farther from the truth.

The concept of "benign" deprivation is a violation of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, where parents bear the burden of proof in the mutual submission relationship. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment refers to parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

"Benign" deprivation means, basically, depriving your child of some of their needs, so that parents can focus on what they "really" need. However, children cry out loud because they need their EVERY need met. In the Early Church, children were given most of what they wanted, and all of what they needed. Mothers never withheld a need then just for convenience's sake. Mothers in biblical times responded to the EVERY need of a child. Mothers responded to the vulnerable needs of children by cooing before picking up the child, then diagnosing the need from there. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. The main five categories of needs in a child are food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - and the greatest of these vulnerable needs is attachment! 

It is common gentle parenting advice that parents should kneel down before their child, and reassure them that way. However, parents in biblical times, including the Early Church, practiced attachment parenting. They didn't, however, kneel down to the child. They instead picked up the child, and held the child close to her bosom, then diagnosing the need from there. Mothers, when their child cried, cooed at their children as a primal vocalization that put children at ease - the children felt heard. The cooing came in the form of "awe, someone is having a hard time" or else a similar statement. Then, children were picked up and reassured.

Children went naked wherever they went, with mothers going naked within the confines of the family home. This birth nudity setup facilitated skin-on-skin warmth and sustenance. As soon as mothers picked up the child, the child was in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy with their mother. However, most mothers then held the child against their bosom when they cried. This mammary closeness was intended to meet the child's every attachment need. Most of the time, when a child cries, they need YOU and YOU only. When children were milk-dependent, allowing them to latch onto the nipple was a fast way to lull a child to sleep, until they rejected the nipple, which was when it was time to try solid foods, diced up to avoid the child choking.

The core belief of "benign" deprivation is that children need to hear "no" frequently. However, children need to hear "yes" far more often than they need to hear the word "no". Children need to hear the word "no" seldom, meaning almost never. Children in biblical times got most of what they wanted, and all of what they needed. Children were the ones calling the shots in biblical times, except when the orders coming from children were unworkable and/or immoral. When children hear the word "no", they are going to throw a temper tantrum, in which case mothers should coo before picking them up.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven.