Why to catch children being good (as opposed to catching them being bad)

Many parents think that proper discipline involves catching children red handed being bad. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents seek to catch their children being bad, and then punish them. However, the proper way to discipline a child is to catch them being good, and then reward them.

Proper discipline is summed up in the Bible. It says in Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parents and children. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon. Indeed, Greco-Roman parents got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were largely persecuted for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children then following in their parents' footsteps. Children, in biblical times, were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged with phrases such as "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise from fathers when caught being good, whereas girls were given a kiss to the forehead from fathers when caught being good. Children also needed a religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Religious instruction started out with fathers leaving out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible, they were given lavish praise and encouragement with phrases such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, based on what children saw in the text of the Bible. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, and fathers were quick to point out the context to children. Religious development is a part of child development, as religion is a human need for children and adults alike. Children can form their own religious beliefs. Young children's religious beliefs start out simplistic and non-conforming to any religious denomination or sect. As children get older, however, they start to conform to a specific religious denomination or sect. It may not be your choice of religion, but at least they have values.

What motivates children to hear out the instruction and example of their fathers? Why not start out with a secure attachment to mothers? For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or on her back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing mom out of their line of sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children, which put them at ease. From there, mothers diagnosed the need in the child, by the type of cry. Sometimes the child was hungry. Sometimes the child was tired. Sometimes the child needed mom's milk. Sometimes, the child needed mom, period. When mothers were out and about in public, children under age 6 were wrapped up next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets, with children tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress of mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with co-sleeping lasting until the child reached the onset of puberty, where children wanted their own place to sleep. Children went naked wherever they went, and mothers went naked in the confines of the family home. This form of birth nudity facilitated constant sustaining warmth between mother and child.

Mothers nurture up close, whereas fathers nurture from afar. Fatherly nurturing didn't happen until later, and was a teaching form of nurturing. Most fathers kept their distance otherwise from their children, and this was due to the fact that the secure attachment to fathers was a sexual attachment, especially in relation to daughters. However, fathers in the Early Church could not have their icing on the cake. Fathers instead indulged in righteous masturbation in order to purge unrequited lusts. Sexual attachment in fathers consisted of connotational sexual attraction, not driven sexual attraction. When his daughter lit up too much, he knew to indulge in masturbatory fantasy in order to purge the attraction. When fathers masturbated to thoughts of their children, they were warm when they needed to be, but also protective when they needed. Most fathers were warm in an encouraging way, meaning they nurtured, but from a distance.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!