Righteous respect: Why respect is earned in parenting

Many parents feel entitled to respect from their children. Most American parents feel that they deserve things from their children, namely respect. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents want to be respected, but do nothing to earn respect from their child.

Righteous respect is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with the parents bearing the burden of proof in such a relationship. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Respect for parents was a real concept in biblical times, but came in the form of closeness to parents, not fear of parents. For the first 6 years of childhood, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of childhood, children were constantly held, either in the loving arms of mothers, or else on her back in a papoose bag when mom's hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her around from room to room, lot letting mom out of their sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever a child cried, mothers cooed before picking the child up, then diagnosing the need by the type of the cry. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. When mothers were out and about in public, children - under age 6 - were wrapped up next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets, with the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress of mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this co-sleeping lasting until the child reached the onset of puberty, which is when they wanted their own place to sleep. Children went naked wherever they went, whereas mothers were naked in the family home, with this birth nudity facilitating warmth and closeness to mothers on the part of children.

Parents are deserving of absolutely nothing in relation to children. Not even forgiveness. Not even respect. Not even affection. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. There is no such thing as a free ride in parenting. Parents have the God-given duty to be there for their children, and be used by their children, like a sponge or a milking-cow. When you allow yourself to be used like a sponge by your child, your children will thank you later, and take care of you later. The first 6 years are the optimal time to take care of a child, and nurture them. After age 6, children in biblical times were more free range, and played outside naked. Maybe children got into mischief, but the adults had a good sense of humor, as did parents. If your child is clinging to you past age 6, and doesn't have autism, that is a form of separation anxiety disorder. Separation anxiety disorder is caused by a parent being negligent in meting out affection, or else a traumatic event in an attachment parenting home - this is called an attachment injury, and that means that children need even more closeness with parents.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!