Righteous ordering: Why children call the shots in Christian homes

Many parents think that they call the shots. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most Christian parents in particular think that they are the one in charge. The fact of the matter, however, is that children call the shots in Christian homes. This dynamic is known as righteous ordering.

Righteous ordering is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Children in biblical times called the shots. Children issued righteous orders to their parents, and, in most cases, parents had to obey their children. The only way parents could say "no" was when the orders from children were either unworkable and/or immoral. Even then, if the child threw a temper tantrum due to the word "no", mothers in particular had to reassure the child by way of skin-on-skin warmth and sustenance. Children need to hear the word "no" rarely, meaning almost never. Children need to hear the word "yes" far more than the word "no".

When young children - under age 6 - needed something, they cried. From there, the mother cooed at the child and then picked up the child. From there, the mother diagnosed the need, and met it. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child needed mom's milk. Maybe the child needed mom, period. Older children gave formal orders, starting with the phrase "I want" in most cases. Children in biblical times got most of what they wanted, and all of what they needed. Children in biblical times were given what they wanted/needed no matter how they asked, even if they asked in a demanding way.

Righteous ordering is like going to a restaurant. You can have it your way, but it must be on the menu. If an item is not on the menu, the waitress is nice about it, even if you aren't. A parent should be like a waitress, waiting on children hand and foot, allowing themselves to be used like a sponge or a milking-cow.   

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!