Preventing public meltdowns: How to prevent meltdowns in public (without punishment or force)

Many parents have to deal with it. A meltdown in public. Most parents, if not all, have had their child melt down in public, perhaps kicking and screaming. However, most parents punish their children for "acting up" in public, saying things such as "you embarrassed me" or "I can't take you anywhere". There is a way to deal with public meltdowns.

Preventing public meltdowns is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: as is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating their children as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon.

Mothers in the Early Church, when out and about in public, wore their children - under age 6 - next to their bosom in swaddling blankets. From there, mothers tucked the swaddling blankets - and the child with them - underneath her loose-fitting, revealing dress that resembled an apron. The child was tied from the left breast, then across the dot to the mother's right leg, or vice versa, or both in the case of twins. When children cried while in the bosom of mothers, mothers held the child close to her bosom, perhaps breastfeeding the child right there in public if the child was milk-dependent. The swaddling blankets were made of velvet, which was grown throughout the Ancient Middle East.

Sometimes, children throw a temper tantrum when they hear the word "no". A child in the supermarket or other store needs to hear the word "yes" far more often than the word "no". The word "no" should be used rarely, meaning almost never. The only acceptable time to say "no" in a store is when the child wants something that is too expensive, and even then, if you can say "we'll come back come payday", make that promise instead. If you absolutely have to say "no", they are going to throw a temper tantrum, most likely, and then the mother is to hold the child close to her bosom. Chances are, your child will be able to spot things they want from their rest in your bosom, and if you can afford it, give it to them. Chances are, if you can't afford it now, you can afford it when you get paid - perhaps at end of the week. Maybe children can't wait until payday, but you can count the days for them. If they are wrapped up in swaddling blankets when in the store, they are going to cry, but they cry silently, simply shedding tears without wailing or kicking and screaming. But, there is almost never a good reason to say "no" to what children want in the store. 

Some meltdowns, in some children, are due to other vulnerable needs. Maybe the child is hungry. Maybe the child is tired. Maybe the child needs mom's milk. Maybe the child needs mom, period. Whatever the child's need, it should be expressed quietly, with the mother diagnosing the need based on trial and error. Today, a common need that didn't exist in the biblical context is a soiled diaper - swaddled children defecated on the ground, and nobody complained. If a child has a soiled diaper, treat that need. If in doubt as to what the child needs, allow them to latch onto the breasts of mothers. If the child falls asleep in the swaddling blankets while being breastfed, they likely needed that nap. Some children, namely those with sensory issues, will cry silently next to mom, and then the best thing to do is hold them close and let them cry silently. If there is a crowd of people in a store, perhaps during the checkout line, children will cry, and if they cry silently in that context, you can presume that it is due to sensory deficits. 

There is never a good reason to punish a child for having a public meltdown. It is normal behavior in children to have public meltdowns. However, swaddling blankets quiet down the cry. If your child can talk, ask them what they need. If they can't talk, diagnose based on the context of the cry. There is no need for a child to be kicking and screaming in public. They can simply cry quietly while wrapped up to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets. They cry quietly because attachment needs are the root to all other needs. Whenever a child cries, they need YOU. 

When children were past age 6, they ranged next to mothers in public, following her closely. When older children threw temper tantrums, mothers cooed before picking them up. Most of the time, tantrums from children past age 6 happened in privacy of the family home, and mothers cooed before picking up the child. Most meltdowns were due to the word "no", which can be easily prevented by giving the child what they want, except when the orders from the child are unworkable and/or immoral. Most of the time, tantrums in older children aren't crying, but instead whining. When children whined due to the word "no", mothers cooed them before picking them up, then holding children in their arms to reassure them further of her presence. Whining is a sign of maturity in a child, meaning the immature way to deal with disappointment is to cry, with children under age 6 doing most of the crying. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!