Temper tantrums: Why temper tantrums are not bad behavior (and what to do about them)

Many parents have to deal with it. Temper tantrums in children. Most parents punish their children for having a temper tantrum. This is a common attitude that many parents have. The fact of the matter is that temper tantrums in children are not bad behavior. 

Dealing with temper tantrums is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, with children surrendering to the loving arms of mothers. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original language, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parents, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon. Indeed, Greco-Roman parents got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were largely persecuted for being "too soft" on their children.

Temper tantrums are not an attempt of the child to "usurp parental authority". Children do not throw temper tantrums in order to undermine parents. They cry for a different reason - they need love. A child  who cries is communicating a vulnerable need. There are five basic categories of children's needs - food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - and the greatest of these is attachment! Chances are, when your child is crying and screaming their lungs out, they need YOU and YOU only.

When children cried in the Early Church, and had their meltdown, mothers cooed at children before picking them up, then holding them next to their bosom in mammary closeness, with that mammary closeness often coming in skin-on-skin format, meaning always when the child threw a tantrum at home. Mothers were in the nude next to their children when at home. Mothers also swaddled children under age 6 next to her bosom in swaddling blankets when out and about in public, with children getting optimal warmth and sustenance from parents. 

Cooing is a primal vocalization from a mother, and puts children at ease real fast. Cooing reassures children that they are heard, even if the answer is still "no". Cooing was the way Christian mothers in the Early Church said "I am here". From there, children were picked up and held close to the bosom of mothers. Common gentle parenting advice calls for the mother to kneel down to the child. However, gentle parents in the Early Church instead picked up the upset child, and held the child to her bosom in skin-on-skin mammary closeness.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death, prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!