Passing down the faith: How to bring up your children in the instruction of the Lord (without punishment or force)

 Many Christian parents want their children to have their values, or else have values, period. Most Christian parents believe that the only way to instruct their children is to "break their will" first. However, the fact of the matter is that these punitive methods are a moral crime against your child. There are more constructive ways of passing down the faith.

Passing down the faith is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman parents got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their parents' footsteps. Children, in biblical times, were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught by fathers showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when caught being good by fathers, whereas girls were given a kiss to the forehead when caught being good by fathers. Children also needed religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Religious instruction started out with fathers leaving out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible, they were given praise and encouragement such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format based on the text of the Bible. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, and fathers gave pointers as to the context. Religious development is a part of child development. Children's religious beliefs start out being simplistic and non-conforming to any religious sect or denomination. However, as children got older, they started to conform to a specific sect or denomination. It may not be your choice as to denominational belief, but at least they have values.

What motivates children to hear out the instruction of their father? Why not a secure attachment with mothers first? For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of a child's life, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing mom out of their sight, with children fearing morbidly that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried or were upset, mothers cooed at their children before picking them up, then seeking to diagnose the needs of the child. Maybe the child was tired. Maybe the child was hungry. Maybe the child just needed loving attention. Children went naked wherever they went, and this facilitated deep skin-on-skin warmth and sustenance with mothers, with mothers also being naked in the family home. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this co-sleeping lasting until the onset of puberty, when children wanted their own place to sleep. 

Mothers nurture up close, whereas fathers nurture from afar. Fathers were a secondary secure attachment to children, with mothers being the primary secure attachment to children. Fathers kept their distance from mother-child intimacy, and that was because fathers had a sexual attachment to their children. However, unlike in other tribal societies, fathers in biblical times were not allowed their "icing on the cake". Instead, fathers in the biblical context masturbated to sexual thoughts of their children. Daughters were also attracted to their fathers, but in an unrequited way. Daughters simply liked being naked for their father, and the father liked that his daughters were naked. If there was any sexual interaction other than respectful looking, fathers were excommunicated from the church, or in the Old Testament, burnt at the stake. Approaching one's daughter for sexual or flirtatious reasons was a moral crime in and of itself. Righteous masturbation was a father's only sexual outlet for his parent attraction. Fathers instead nurtured in a teaching way, meaning nurtured in children a passion for learning about the Bible and its context. Fathers then were gentle and loving in their encouragement, and that is because the righteous masturbation going on in his house made him feel more comfortable around his children, from a distance of course.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and burning sulfur, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!