Passing down the faith: How to pass down the Christian faith (without punishment or force)

Many parents want their children to grow up in the same Christian faith that they grew up in. This is a common desire amongst American parents. There is no guarantee that your child will hold the same denominational views as you do. But, you can encourage good values in a child. There is a right way, and a wrong way, to pass down the faith. The right way does not allow for any punitive parenting.

The passing down of the Christian faith is spelled out in the Bible, with this passage prohibiting the punishment of children. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as they would God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon. Indeed, Greco-Roman parents got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children. 

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The standard of Christian discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in their footsteps. Children, in biblical times, were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever a child was caught showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised with statements such as "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when caught being good by fathers, whereas girls were given a kiss to the forehead when caught being good by fathers. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Religious instruction started out by leaving out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were first caught reading the Bible, they were lavishly praised and encouraged with statements such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, based off of what children saw in the Bible. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, with fathers being quick to point out the context. Religious development is part of child development, as religion is a human need. For the first couple of years in a child's life, religious beliefs are simplistic and non-conformist to any religious denomination or sect. But, as they got older, they start to conform to a specific religious denomination or sect. It may not be the religion of your choice, but at least they have values.

What motivates children to follow the instruction of fathers? Why not start out with a secure attachment to mothers? For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of a child's life, children were held constantly by mothers, either in her loving arms, or in a papoose bag on her back when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her around from room to room, not allowing her out of their sight, morbidly fearing that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers were quick to coo at children, putting children at ease, then diagnosing the need right there and then. When mothers were out and about in public, children under age 6 were wrapped up next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets, while tucked underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin format, with this co-sleeping lasting until the onset of puberty, which is when children wanted their own place to sleep. Children went naked wherever they went, and mothers went naked in the family home, with this birth nudity facilitating optimal closeness between mother and child.

Mothers nurtured up close, and fathers nurtured from afar. Fathers, for the most part, kept their distance from their children, apart from a teaching form of nurturing that involved praising or encouraging good behavior. Fathers were distant from their children due to the sexual attachment between fathers and children, namely daughters. But, even then, fathers were not allowed their icing on the cake, as sexual relations between parent and child were prohibited even then. Fathers instead masturbated righteously in order to spend away their parent attractions. Fathers then were warm and kind with their children, only showing anger when protecting their child.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!