Honor thy parents: Understanding the Fifth Commandment in context

Most parents want to be honored by their children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents demand that children obey and honor them. However, there is a bare minimum where children are suppose to respect their parents, and that meant avoiding clear elder abuse.

The Bible says in Exodus 20:12 KJV:

Honour thy father and thy mothers: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

This meant simply not to dishonor parents, meaning don't abuse them. This ultimately refers to the parent protection laws. Adult children are not to strike their parents (see also Exod. 21:15), gaslight their parents to send them places (see also Lev. 20:9), or commit crimes while blaming parents (see also Deut. 21:18-21). The best way to understand the Fifth Commandment is a child striking out at their parents. Even young children should be discouraged from striking their parents, with parents crying out loud in what is called righteous wailing, with parents crying out loud due to their child striking them. Children don't want to take advantage of cries from parents, but simply want to be heard. But, striking your parents is not the way to use your parents. Parents are there for your use, like a sponge. But, there is such a thing as misusing your parents, and that is where the parent protection laws step in. Apart from the parent protection laws, respect was earned by parents. If parents offended their children by treating them in an entitled manner, children could disown their parents.

The Fifth Commandment is repeated in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon. Indeed, Greco-Roman parents got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were largely persecuted for being "too soft" on their children.

Respect for parents was a thing for children in biblical times, but in the form of closeness to parents, not fear of parents. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of a child's life, children were constantly held by mothers, either in mom's loving arms, or on mom's back in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing mom out of their sight, morbidly fearing mom "going away and not coming back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed before picking up the child, holding the child close to their bosom in mammary closeness. When mothers were out and about with their children - under age 6 - they swaddled their children next to their bosom in swaddling blankets. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to parents in skin-on-skin format, with this co-sleeping lasting until the onset of puberty, when children wanted their own place to sleep. 

Children, once they turned 6, started to play outside with other children in the neighborhood, naked. However, they had to check in with mom first. Children past age 6 ventured farther and farther from home, exploring the terrain, then returning to home for dinner once called by their parents by name. Children co-slept and co-snuggled next to mothers in order to recharge, then going even farther from home the next day. When children shake off the co-sleeping warmth and sustenance of mothers, that was the beginning of the end of closeness with parents, with children from there being seen as reaching maturity.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!