Child discipline: How to discipline your child the right way (without punishment or force)

Many parents want their children to have discipline. This is a common wish for parents. Most American parents want their children to have discipline. However, there is a right way and a wrong way to impart discipline in a child. Punishment or reprimands are not the way to discipline a child. Actual discipline involves catching children being good.

Child discipline is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parents and children within the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and took in a few orphaned children during his time as deacon. Indeed, Greco-Roman parents got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in parents' footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when caught being good by fathers, whereas girls were given a kiss to the forehead when caught being good by fathers. Children also needed religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Fathers started out religious instruction by leaving out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible on their own, they were lavishly praise and encouraged with statements such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format, based on what children saw in the Bible. Children were eager to learn the facts of life, with fathers giving pointers as to the context. The religious development of children is a part of child development. Children's religious beliefs start out simplistic and non-conforming to any religious sect or denomination. However, as children get older, they start to conform to the beliefs of a particular religious sect or denomination. It may not be the religious beliefs you would choose, but at least they have values.

What motivates a child to hear out the instruction of their fathers? Why not start out with a secure attachment to mothers? For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of a child's life, children were constantly held by mothers, either in her loving arms, or in a papoose bag when her hands were full. Between ages 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not letting mom out of their sight, fearing morbidly that mom would "go away and never come back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children before picking them up, then diagnosing the need. Sometimes they were tired. Sometimes they were hungry. Sometimes they just needed attachment. When mothers were out and about in public, they swaddled their children next to their bosom in swaddling blankets, in constant skin-on-skin warmth and sustenance. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy, with this co-sleeping lasting until the child reached the onset of puberty. Mother and child were in the nude next to each other in the family home, with children going naked wherever they went.

Mothers nurture up close, whereas fathers nurture from afar. Most Christian fathers in the Early Church kept their distance from their children, only stepping in to praise and encourage good behavior. Fathers kept their distance due to having a sexual attachment to their children, usually their daughters. Fathers and daughters were attracted to each other in a mutually unrequited manner. However, fathers then could not have their "icing on the cake". Instead, the only way out was righteous masturbation, where fathers masturbated to sexual thoughts of their child, meaning perhaps their daughter. Daughters simply liked being naked for their father, and fathers liked a naked daughter in his eyeshot. However, approaching your child for sexual or flirtatious reasons was seen as akin to doing the deed itself, meaning committing child rape against your child. The only way out of an approach is to about-face yourself, and turn around, fleeing fornication. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!