Righteous ordering: Why children call the shots in proper parenting

Many parents think that they call the shots, and are to order their children around. This is a common misunderstanding of family structure. Most parents order children around. However, the fact of the matter is that in a Christian home, children call the shots. Children issue righteous demands, and parents obey.

Righteous ordering is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

Children, in biblical times, called the shots. Parents were obligated to obey the every order that children issued. That meant that children ordered parents around, and parents were obligated to obey the orders of children. The only reason parents could righteously defy the orders of their children was when children issued orders that were unworkable and/or immoral. Otherwise, disobeying the orders of children was seen as grounds for excommunication from the Early Christian Churches of God. The child had the right to take their parents to court if they perceived their parents saying "no" unjustly. When parents did say "no", they were required under God's Law to reassure their children's feelings, and validate their feelings.

In children, the every cry was seen as a summonses for mothers to attend to. Mothers responded to the every cry of their child, especially during the first 6 years of a child's life. When children got older, they cried less and started ordering parents around with "I want" statements. The every wish of a child was the command of parents, with very few exceptions. The only exceptions were when what the child wanted was unworkable and/or immoral.

Righteous ordering is like going to a restaurant. You can have it your way, but only if its on the menu. If it isn't on the menu, the waitress is nice about it, even if you aren't. Parenting, in the biblical tense, is a job similar to being the waitstaff at a restaurant. The child made the orders, and parents served in that context. But, sometimes, the order was unavailable, due to the fact that the Law prohibited it, or that the orders were simply unworkable. Sometimes, children ask for things that are way out of the question, and then you say "no". 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!