Independence: Why healthy independence comes from healthy dependence

Many parents think that the main goal of parenting is obedience. Obedience is something to strive for. However, the main goal in Christian attachment parenting is independence and self-reliance. However, that cannot be done without healthy dependence first.

Healthy dependence is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: as this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parents and children in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as any damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

Healthy independence comes from healthy dependence. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever mothers went, so did her child. For the first 2 years of a child's life, children were constantly held, either in mom's arms, or in a papoose bag on the mother's back if mom's hands were full. Between the ages of 2-6, children ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not allowing mothers out of their sight. Children were afraid of mothers "going away and never coming back". When out and about in public, children were worn in swaddling blankets, underneath the loose-fitting, revealing dress of mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers, with this usually lasting until the onset of puberty, when children wanted their own place to sleep. 

When children turned age 6, they started to shake off the warmth and sustenance of mothers. Children started asking to go out and play, which mothers then deemed safe past that age. Children could play freely and unsupervised, but had to check in to mothers before playing outside. Children retired home to mothers by night, until they shook off even that closeness. Children ventured farther and farther from home, then retreating to mom's sustaining warmth. The Early Christians quartered themselves with their child - in birth nudity - to protect the children from hazards in the environment outside the house. Such hazards then included venomous snakes and scorpions. There also exist hazards today towards children. Young children are simply not ready to be socialized until after age 6. Children don't even know how to share until around age 6.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!