Hebrews 12:5-8: Why this is not a spanking verse

Many parents use the Bible as an excuse for spanking and punishing children. This is a common excuse amongst American parents. A commonly misused Bible passage is the main one in the Bible. Hebrews 12:5-8 is the main stated excuse for punishing a child. However, the fact of the matter is that Heb. 12:5-8 is not a spanking verse.

It says in Hebrews 12:5-8 KJV:

And ye have forgotten the exhortation that speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If you endure chastening, God dealeth with you as sons; for what son does the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, than are ye bastards, not sons.

This passage was directed to a specific group of people, namely the Hebrew Christians, as a token of reassurance concerning their persecution. The Greek root word translated "scourgeth" is μαστιγόω (Latin: mastiigoó) and refers to the 40 minus 1 lashes, but in the figurative tense. This word is a form of rod language. In the Ancient Hebrew and Greek alike, you didn't say "I had a long day at work", but instead said "God whipped me hard today". The Early Christians shunned punitive parenting such as corporal punishment, and excommunicated members who participated in Roman floggings. Punitive parenting was not a practice of the Early Church. The 40 minus 1 lashes was a form of judicial corporal punishment in Ancient Israel, and was rarely carried out, meaning never in the Early Church. The rod of correction was instead a metaphor for the chastening of the Lord, meaning the trials and tribulations sent by God. The Hebrew Christians were reassured by the Apostle Paul's rod language.

God whips His children, like only He can. But, God only whips His children when it isn't harmful. Earthly parents instead only whip their children when it is harmful. Since no parent can bring up their children the perfect way that God brings up His children, they should do what comes naturally, meaning attachment parenting. 

Heb. 12:5-8 is not even about bringing up children. But there are passages that do refer to bringing up children. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were largely persecuted for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, to modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in the footsteps of parents. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children showed good traits - such as taking turns, being patient, or showing self-control - they were lavishly praised and encouraged by fathers to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when caught being good by fathers, whereas girls were given a side-embrace when caught being good by fathers. Children also needed a religious education. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. This instruction started with fathers leaving out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible for the child to discover and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible, fathers encouraged the child with phrases such as "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction happened in question and answer format, with children eager to learn the facts of life, and with fathers giving pointers on the context. This all is part of a child's religious development. Children are bound to find religion. It may not be your choice of religion, but at least they have values.

What motivates a child to hear out the instruction of fathers? Why not with a secure attachment to mothers? For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever mothers went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of a child's life, children were constantly held, either in mom's arms, or on mom's back in a papoose bag when mom's hands were full. When children were aged 2-6, they ranged next to mothers, following mom from room to room, not letting mom out of their line of sight. The driving fear during those years was mom "going away and never coming back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children before picking them up and holding them. When mothers were out and about, children under age 6 were swaddled next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blanket, with these swaddling blankets being tucked under the loose-fitting, revealing dress of mothers that resembled an apron. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to their mothers in skin-on-skin warmth and sustenance, with this co-sleeping usually ending when the child reached the onset of puberty, when children wanted their own place to sleep.

Fathers and children formed a secondary secure attachment to children. Fathers kept a distance from their children, and that was due to the sexual attachment that fathers had to their children. It was a myth that fathers sexually corrected their children in biblical times. Most men masturbated to sexual thoughts of their child. Mothers nurtured up close, whereas fathers nurtured from a distance, in most cases by offering praise and encouragement. The role of mothers was to give unconditional warmth and comfort, whereas fathers stepped in with praise and encouragement when it was deserved. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!