Child discipline: How to discipline your child the right way (without punishment or force)

Many parents insist on discipline for their children. However, most parents take up the attitude that children deserve punishment as a means of discipline. The fact of the matter, however, is that proper discipline is based off of catching children being good, as opposed to catching them being bad.

Proper discipline is summed up by the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and thy mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return. See also Matt. 22:35-40. 

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, which is defined as under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time as a deacon. Indeed, Greco-Roman parents got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were largely persecuted for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in relation to their children, with children following in their footsteps. Children in biblical times were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever children were caught showing good traits - such as sharing, being patient, or showing self-control - they were given lavish praise and encouragement to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise when caught being good by fathers, whereas girls were given a side-embrace when caught being good by fathers. Children also need religious instruction. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the instruction of the Lord. Fathers instructed their children by leaving out an Aramaic copy of the Hebrew Bible for children to discover and explore. When children were caught reading the Bible, they were given praise along the lines of "that book is good for you". From there, religious instruction came in question and answer format based on the Scripture read by the child, and with fathers giving pointers on the context. Religious development is a natural part of child development, with religion being a human need for a child. Children's beliefs started out being simplistic and non-conforming to any denomination. However, as they got older, their beliefs started to conform to a specific denomination. It may not be the denomination of your choosing, but at least they have values.

What leads to children hearing out their father's instruction? Why not start out with a secure attachment with mothers. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness with mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. For the first 2 years of a child's life, children were constantly held, either in the loving arms of mothers, or else on her back in a papoose bag if her hands were full. When the child was aged 2-6, they ranged next to mothers, following her from room to room, not letting mothers out of their line of sight, with their worst fear being mom "going away and never coming back". Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at children before picking them up, cradling their children in skin-on-skin mammary closeness. When mothers were out and about with their children, they swaddled their children to their bosom in swaddling blankets. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers, in skin-on-skin format, with this co-sleeping lasting until the onset of puberty, which was when children insisted on their own place to sleep.

Mothers nurture up close, whereas fathers nurture from afar. Mothers nurture in an unconditional way, whereas fathers nurtured in a teaching way. Apart from religious instruction and catching children being good when they were older, fathers kept their distance from children. This distance was because fathers had a sexual attachment to their children, especially their daughters, in mutually unrequited format. Fathers didn't get their icing on the cake, meaning fathers didn't get to sexually correct their children. Children were simply naked, and daughters enjoyed being naked in front of their fathers, with fathers enjoying his eyeshot towards his daughter. Fathers masturbated to sexual thoughts of children, following the sexual thoughts to the end through indulging in masturbatory fantasy. Sometimes mothers had to take masturbation breaks, and they complied with the church teaching of righteous masturbation, just as the men did.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!