Tuesday, March 19, 2024

Back talk: Why back talk is not bad behavior

Many parents think that back talk is bad behavior. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most Americans punish children when they talk back. However, the Bible prohibits not only punishing your child, but also talking back at your child.

Children call the shots in the family home. This all is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word ultimately refers to a secure attachment in the family home. This secure attachment ultimately comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children during his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were largely persecuted for being "too soft" on their children.

Back talk to parents was not considered a moral crime in biblical times. In fact, it was the opposite - parents were forbidden to talk back to their children. Children, in biblical times, issued orders and edicts, and in most cases, parents had to obey their child. The secure attachment commanded in the Bible implied that children have the right to order their parents around from their place of secure rest. Parents could only say "no" when the orders of children were unworkable and/or immoral.

The bare minimum at respecting your parents that was mandated was avoiding clear elder abuse. That means don't strike your parents (see also Exod. 21:15), don't gaslight your parents to send them places (see also Lev. 20:9), and don't commit crimes in the name of your parents (see also Deut. 21:18-21). Apart from those narrow protections for parents, children were free to respect their parents as much or as little as possible, depending on how their parents earned the respect of their children. Merely talking back at parents was not sin, as "curse" or "revile" refers to a gaslighting curse. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand.

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