Temper tantrums: Why temper tantrums are not bad behavior (and what to do about them)

Many parents have to deal with it. A child kicking and screaming on the ground, or else just crying. Many parents punish their children for crying, or else ignore them. However, the fact of the matter is thar crying or carrying on is not bad behavior.

Dealing with temper tantrums is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, where children are to surrender into the loving arms of mothers. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission. This word refers to a secure attachment between parent and child in the family home. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to children just as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, is anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the child, but he sure loved children, even taking in a few orphaned children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers used the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on the children.

Temper tantrums are not bad behavior. Full stop. Crying and temper tantrums are a form of communication in children. Most of the time, if not all of the time, children cry because of unmet attachment needs, including separation anxiety. Children have five main categories of needs: food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - and the greatest of these is attachment! Ignore a crying child, and you might as well ignore their needs. They will stop crying when in their room isolated in time-out, but only because they gave up trying to advocate for themselves.

What should be done about temper tantrums? Children went in the nude wherever they went, with mothers also going naked when in the confines of the family homes. Thus, when children cried, they were comforted and warmed up in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. Mothers first cooed at the child, and then picked up the child, holding the child in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. When children were age 3 and under, they were constantly held, either in the mother's arms, or in a papoose bag tied to her back. Children aged 3-6 ranged next to their mother, paining to be separate from his/her mother.

This parenting brought out the separation anxiety in children, which is normal for children up until age 6. Thus, most mothers did not work in biblical times, and instead comforted their children with birth nudity, where mother and child were in constant closeness with each other, with the every fear and upset of the child reassured and comforted. Some women did work in the Early Church, but it was rare, as men were very good at providing for their wives in a charitable and forgiving way. However, most women quit their jobs once becoming pregnant, and that is because children under age 6 need constant reassurance that mothers weren't going to "go away and never come back". Going to work alone, or sending your child to school of any kind, can cause an attachment injury, that needs to be healed by more closeness and intimacy.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!