Righteous respect: Why respect is earned in parenting

Many parents feel deserving of respect. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents demand respect. The fact of the matter, however, is that respect is earned in life, including in parenting. 

Righteous respect is the child's role in a mutual submission relationship between parent and child. However, the burden of proof falls squarely on the parents, in terms of winning over children. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word refers ultimately to a secure attachment between parent and child. This secure attachment comes from parent submission, where parents are to submit to their children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above, expecting absolutely nothing in return.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers got out the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

Respect for parents was a thing in biblical times. However, respect for your parents came in the form of closeness to parents, not fear of parents. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, meaning mother and child were quartered in the nude in the family home, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. For the first 2 years of a child's life, they were constantly held, either in mother's arms, or on her back in a papoose bag if her hands were full. When children were aged 2-6, they had separation anxiety, with children fearing that mothers would "go away and never come back". Children aged 2-6 demanded that mothers stay in their line of sight, including if mom simply went into the other room. Whenever children cried, mothers cooed at their children, before picking the child up and cradling the child in her bosom. When out and about in public, children under age 6 were swaddled next to the bosom of mothers in swaddling blankets, with children simply held closer to mom when they cried in public. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers, in skin-on-skin comfort and sustenance. This co-sleeping, in most cases, lasted until the child reached the onset of puberty, when they wanted their own place to sleep.

The abovementioned context points to how parents can win over their children. Respect for parents will then come in the form of children electing to listen to parents, on their own. Respect for parents in the later ages is a thing, but in the form of a choice between children and God. When becoming adults, children thanked their parents for the warmth and sustenance of parents. It is a feeling that you come undone when you, even as an adult, travel back home. But, when away from parents, you are prepared for anything.

Parents are deserving of absolutely nothing in relation to children. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Parents, therefore, have no place to demand respect from any child. Demanding anything in life comes from entitlement. Nothing in life comes for free, and that includes respect for your child. The idea is to submit to your child, especially during the first 6 years, and then your children will thank you later. Hard work pays off, even in parenting. 

Parents in biblical times were seen as bondservants to their children. Parents served their child in chains and shackles, working for a lump sum, which was for children to be as independent as possible. Parents were there to be used as a sponge, with the child milking what they need from their children, with parents being a milking-cow for the child's every vulnerable need.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan in his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!