Discipline and limit setting in Christian homes: How to discipline your child (without punishments or force)

Many parents want their children to have discipline. This is a common goal for parents to have for their children. However, most American parents think that punishment is a valid form of discipline. The Bible disagrees. Discipline is necessary in a parent-child relationship, but should come in the form of lavish praise and encouragement, not punishment.

True Christian discipline is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. This word refers to secure attachment, with a secure attachment a commandment from God. This secure attachment stems from parent submission, meaning that parents are to submit to children as they would to God, from beneath yet from above.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all form of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents in the parish at Ephesus who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Paul may not have gotten along with the women of the church, but he sure loved children, and even took in a few orphaned children in his time. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers used the scourge of cords in order to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were persecuted largely for being "too soft" on their children.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to here, in this context, modeling and encouraging Christian discipline in children. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, therefore grateful for absolutely everything, coming from a sinful nature, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Christian parents in the Early Church centered their entitlement in view of their children, with children following in the footsteps of parents. Children, in biblical times, were caught being good, as opposed to being caught being bad. Whenever a child was caught being good, they were given lavish praise and encouragement to "keep headed down the straight path". Boys were given manly praise from their fathers when caught being good, whereas girls were given snuggled and physical affection from the fathers when caught being good. Sometimes, children needed direct instruction from parents. The Greek root word translated "admonition" is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia) and refers to the advice and counsel of parents, meaning parents could only offer advice when needed, or else counsel their children when they were upset. Otherwise, children held divine authority over parents.

Mothers nurtured from up close, and fathers nurtured from afar. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, where mother and child were quartered in the nude, in the family home, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. Whenever a child cried, mothers cooed before rushing in and picking up the children, holding the child in skin-on-skin mammary closeness. When out and about in public, mothers swaddled their young children - under age 6 - next to her bosom, in swaddling blankets. Come nightfall, children co-slept next to mothers, in skin-on-skin format, with this skin-on-skin treatment lasting every night up until puberty, when children wanted their own place to sleep.

For the latter years of childhood, children were turned over to their fathers for religious instruction. Children's religious instruction started with fathers leaving out a copy of the Hebrew Bible translated into Aramaic. When children were caught reading the good book, they were lavishly praised and encouraged. From there, religion was a constant conversation between fathers and children, with children eager to learn about the facts of life, and fathers pointing out the context at an age-appropriate level. In most cases, children, at some point, discovered original sin by asking "Why do we need a Christ?". In which case, just say "Mankind is imperfect" and you basically handed down the message for them to learn the rest on their own.

Children also learned good traits from the example of fathers. Whenever children did things such as share toys, show self-control, and show patience, they were praised lavishly and encouragingly "keep up the good traits". Children were seen as having a sinful nature, but in the form of understanding the fact that children struggled with a sinful nature. When children struggled against their sinful nature, such a struggle was rewarded with encouragement.

Children were nurtured up close by mothers, and from afar by fathers. For the first 6 years of a child's life, a child was very well protected, either by being held by mothers (in public or private) or by ranging next to mothers (at age 3-6 at home). Children, at age 6, shook themselves free from the closeness of mothers, and went with their fathers for religious instruction. When children were allowed to be with their fathers, they were then allowed to play freely (after checking in with mom first). 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoked their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!