Independence: Why independence in children is the goal of every parent (and how to help your child become more independent)

Many parents think the goal of parenting is getting children to listen. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents think the goal of parenting is them respecting you. Respect is fine, but what about helping your child become as independent as possible? Most parents would agree that their children need to become as independent as possible, even if they hadn't thought of that goal. Healthy independence starts with healthy dependence on parents, namely during the first 6 years of a child's life.

Healthy dependence is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parent in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and submission of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. This surrender to parents came with strings attached for the parents, meaning children could issue lawfully binding orders from a restful place, and parents had to comply with such orders.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including, but not limited to, any punishments, reprimands, or other controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his secular writings. Indeed, Greco-Roman fathers used the scourge of cords to punish their children, but NOT the Christians among them - the Early Christians were hated largely for being "too soft" on their children.

Healthy independence comes from healthy dependence. For the first 6 years of a child's life, children were in constant closeness to mothers, meaning that wherever the mother went, so did the child. The Early Christians practiced birth nudity, where mother and child were in the nude next to each other, in skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy. Whenever children cried, mothers rushed in to the rescue, cooing at their children, then picking them up and holding them close to their bosom, in skin-on-skin mammary closeness. When mothers were out and about, they swaddled their children next to their bosom in swaddling blankets. Mothers in biblical times breastfed their children wherever they went, including in public if summoned to by their children. Children naturally pushed away the nipple of the mother, in most cases, around age 3, but some children didn't push away the nipple until age 6 or even older.

When children were given warmth and sustenance for the first 6 years of a child's life, they were given the healthy dependence that led to children shaking off their parents come attaining the age of 6. The most they did to bond with parents was help parents out with chores. Children wanted to do everything on their own, and so parents held space for their children to assert independence. Children however, come nightfall, co-slept next to mothers, with children continuing to co-sleep next to mothers until the onset of puberty, when children wanted their own place to sleep. 

Some children have developmental delays, in most cases in the form of either autism and/or ADHD. This leads to children having problems with doing things independently. This is not a death sentence, or a sign that you have failed as a parent. The child is just taking a long time getting ready to shake you off. With few exceptions, all children shake off their parents at some point. It may not be at the age of 6 like most children with an attachment parenting upbringing, but they usually shake you off at some point. If not, enjoy their company. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them forever be cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath day and night forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!