Righteous ordering: Why children call the shots in a proper Christian home

Many parents think that they call the shots in the family home, and take this attitude because they are the parents. Most American homes are set up in a way where the parent gives the orders, and children follow. This is not how God intended the family home to be set up. Righteous ordering is where parents take orders from children, as to what children need.

Righteous ordering is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as vulnerable extensions of God.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating them as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposing any and all punishment of a child in his writings.

Righteous ordering means parents take orders from children. Think of when you go to a restaurant. You may look at the menu, and order whatever you want, as long as it is on the menu. That's how Christian parenting worked in the 1st Century. Parents were seen in the Early Christian context as bondservants to their children, working for a lump sum which is the independence of their children. Children issued the lawful and binding orders to parents, and most all of the time, parents obeyed those orders, giving children everything that they need, and most everything that they want.

Usually, children issued lawful and binding orders by way of crying to get the need they want met. Every time a child cried, the mother instinctively responded to the cry, asking children with words what they wanted, and then finding a way to give them what they want. Mothers in particular were sent all over the place to get their child what he/she needed/wanted. With older children, the children just barked orders to parents, without using their manners, and mothers obeyed the orders of their children, finding the brashness and boldness of their child in self-advocating their needs cute. 

Younger children may need to be given choices as to what to order from their parents, like a menu at a restaurant. But, if they choose something plausible that isn't on the list of choices, go with that one. Older children, in most cases, can be given leeway as to ordering parents as to what they want. If an older child cannot get what they want, because the item is forbidden or inaccessable, righteous compromise can be invoked. Sometimes, with certain children with special needs such as autism, ADHD, and ODD, you may need to endure the wrath of your child. Aggression can be mitigated by the parent feign crying in a dramatic way to teach the child to cry instead of hit.

Righteous cave is a related acronym to righteous ordering. Righteous ordering is the child's role in parenting, and righteous cave is the parent's role. Children issue orders to parents as to what they need from them, and parents cave to the orders of children, in full and dutiful submission to children. With some children, that is all you can do - some children with special needs don't give up until you cave to their demands in some way. 

Children have lawful authority over their parents until the day that they leave the home. Children can issue orders to their parents, and parents must obey unless the circumstances don't allow them to. Children are vulnerable extensions of God, meaning the "least of these", called to strike adult-kind into dutiful and fearful submission to child-kind. Parents have no authority to issue orders to their children, and can only ask things of them from the bottom of their heart. This is how the family was set up in biblical times. If you have a secure attachment with your children, like parents did with children in biblical times, they will listen anyway, because they trust you.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!