Change of heart: How to cause a change of heart in your child - without spanking or punishment

Many parents want their children to have a change of heart. It is the primary goal of our conventional parenting methods. Most traditional American parenting is based off of the concept of a change of heart, where during the parenting, the child goes through a religious conversion from their sinful nature. Contrary to popular belief, there is no need to punish your child in order to effect a change of heart in a child. All a child needs is attachment parenting mixed with a disciplined example in order to change.

The concept of change of heart in Christian parenting is effected by the Christian doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to anger: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of children. Parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as vulnerable extensions of God.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limiited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time, after suffering the 40 minus 1 lashes mentioned in Proverbs (see Prov. 13:24). Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the Ephesian church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child in his writings.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to, in the Hebraic context here, modeling Christian discipline to children. The standard of Christian discipline is deserving of non-existence, therefore grateful to be alive, leading to a chastened up example for children to follow. Parents in biblical times worked on their entitlement issues, striving for a change of heart, with the hope that children would follow. When children showed interest in emulating the disciplined example of parents, they are lavishly praised and encouraged in going the right way in their religious vocation. Children had a change of heart by way of watching their parents improve themselves. Sometimes, albeit rarely, children needed direct instruction, usually in the form of redirection from high-risk behavior, and sometimes removal from high-risk activities, with this redirection and removal being known as righteous warning. A good example of righteous warning being used was when children were sexually active, either with each other or forcibly with a parent. When young boys became sexually flirtatious with their mothers, they were removed from the closeness situation until they agreed to abstain from fornication. Righteous warning is denoted by the Greek root word translated "admonition", which is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia). Righteous warning was always coupled with reassurance, including the words "this too will pass".

We all have a change of heart. Most of the time, it is growing up. At the same time, change of heart should not be rushed in children. Most childish and immature behaviors commonly deemed as "naughty" by most adults is actually developmentally appropriate behavior. Most children cry in their formative years, and most school age children whine. When these behaviors are absent, is when parents should worry. It is the growing pains of a child growing up to be a young man or a young woman. Children grow up entirely on their own, but usually grow in the example of their parents, so parents should be on their best behavior around their children as Christians at all times.

Children are in the providing custody of their parents, primary of their mothers, secondarily of their fathers. Mothers formed a secure attachment to their children, and did so by way of providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely attachment parenting items such as breastfeeding or skin-on-skin comfort. During the first 6 years of a child's life, they were in constant closeness to mothers. This started with mothers constantly holding and feeding their babies, and then with children frequently wanting to be held by mothers, in skin-on-skin format Mothers and children both went naked in biblical times in the home, and children always were naked. Once children were around age 6, they started to explore the terrain, playing outside with neighborhood friends (after checking in with mom first). Children would venture further and further from home. Then, when children got tired of the real world, they retreated back to mothers, resting next to her by night, with mothers being home base for children to recharge. This sort of securely attached environment is what nurtures a change of heart.

America was founded on the concept of change of heart as a Christian tradition in this country. In the past, adults thought this meant breaking a child's will with beatings and whippings. Now we know that we can encourage the child to break their own will to exist by breaking ours in relation to them, and treating them with sustaining warmth otherwise. Then, children will want to have a change of heart just like their favored parent did, absorbing the disciplined example of such a parent. Usually, boys favor their mothers, and girls favor their fathers, like a criss-cross, and do so due to the oedipus and electra complexes repectively - children are naturally attracted to the parent of the opposite sex up until puberty.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to wrath through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!