Discipline: How to set limits with your child - without spanking or punishment

Many parents think that setting limits with children involves a negative consequence of some sort, meaning a punishment. Most parents in America punish their children, usually with time-out, sometimes accompanied by a disciplinary spanking. Spanking and corporal punishment are becoming more rare in America, but spanking is simply replaced by other forms of punishment. There are ways to set limits with children that don't involve punishment. The Bible, contrary to popular belief, does not allow for the punishment of a child.

Christian attachment parenting is guided by the doctrine of mutual submission. See Ephesians 6:1-4 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise; That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long upon the earth. And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children just as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as vulnerable extensions of God.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating children as quartered slaves. Paul here was lifting up the Law in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child. Paul advocated for children in his writings more than any other biblical writer.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to, in this context, modeling discipline to children, by the Christian standard of discipline. The Christian standard of discipline is deserving of absolutely nothing, and grateful for absolutely everything. In Christian homes in the 1st Century, both parents modeled Christian discipline to their children, and when children started to imitate disciplined attitudes, fathers lavishly praised and encouraged such self-improvement in children. Children usually heeded the example of their parents, as they usually had a secure attachment to their parents. Every once and a while, parents had to directly instruct their children concerning their behavior, usually in the form of the occasional redirection, which is denoted by the Greek root word translated "admonition", which is νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia)

When children have a secure attachment with their parents, they want to be like their parents naturally. If a parent imparts a disciplined example to children, children will imitate that form of Christian discipline that they see in parents. There is no need to explicitly set limits most times. Most of the time, children will pick up and absorb your disciplined example at their own pace. Most childhood behaviors that you'll see in the mean time, and see as "naughty", are actually developmentally appropriate behavior given the child's age and developmental level. Most children cry and even throw tantrums, and they should at a certain age as a sign of healthy brain development. Whining is also normal behavior, and is actually more mature behavior than crying. Children will absorb your disciplined example, but they won't right away, in which case you will need to cut children a break most times. Sometimes, you will need to redirect, but this should only be done to keep the child safe, spiritually or otherwise. Children will listen to you once you form a secure attachment with them.

Mothers, in biblical times, formed the secure bond with children by way of providing for children nourishment and sustenance, namely attachment parenting items such as breastfeeding and skin-on-skin comfort. Mothers primarily bonded with their children in biblical times by way of skin-on-skin comfort, including at night when mothers co-slept next to their children. Fathers formed a secure attachment to children by witnessing skin-on-skin closeness and intimacy between mother and child, and wanting in on the action through a sexual attachment to the child. Fathers imprinted on their children by way of masturbatory orgasm. The child naturally bonded with the father through the mother, because the father was present, usually in a way that guarded and protected the mother and child, holding a rod and staff to beat intruders with.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!