Oppositional-Defiant Disorder: How to parent a child with ODD - the biblical way

Many parents write off Oppositional-Defiant Disorder (ODD) as a "manufactured disorder" due to "parents not setting limits". This is a common attitude towards children with ODD. However, the fact of the matter is that ODD is a secondary disorder, usually to bipolar disorder, autism, or ADHD. The disorder involves a strong counterwill, meaning any kind of control is met with control in the reverse from these children.

ODD is best dealt with using the mutual submission setup, as outlined in the Bible for parent-child relationships. Parents are to be submissive to their children, just as mankind is submissive to God. In turn, children are to rest safely and securely in the love and submission of parents. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to children as their enemy, from beneath yet from above, revering and fearing children as vulnerable extensions of God.

The Greek roor word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children then were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up this legal context to a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child. 

Children, in biblical times, wore absolutely no clothing, at all, until they became adults. Women only wore clothing outside the home, and otherwise went in the nude, in order to serve both their husbands and their children. Mothers served their children by way of providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely attachment parenting items such as breastfeeding and skin-on-skin comfort. In biblical times, there existed the concept of "stand-beside-me" children. Most children, up until age 6, received constant closeness and comfort from their mothers, in skin-on-skin format. A stand-beside-me child usually had ODD of some sort, and shook off the comfort of their mothers early in life, and the mothers just let them. The only condition that children had to adhere to in such situations was that they stand right beside mothers. They could even hit, kick, or bite mothers when they wanted something, and could call their mother every swear name in the book after hearing the word "no", and all this was tolerated and was expected as reverent rebellion. When children were really agitated or wound up, mothers would grab hold of the child, and then lay on the ground with them, curling up with them in the fetal position...This context is applicable today just as it was in the days of old, albeit maybe with some tweaking. 

What can you do to help your child with ODD? Children with ODD need a non-controlling environment. A child with ODD has a very strong counterwill. So, if you impose your will onto them in order to try and break theirs, it won't work. They just will become more controlling towards you, and then it will be a big mess. Only, they aren't just being controlling for the sake of being controlling - they are responding to your controlling nature as a parent, and are trying to control you to just the right degree that they feel they can shut down your controlling attitude towards them. The idea is to give up the fight, then give in to the child's demands. Children in biblical times issued orders and edicts in the form of righteous demands onto parents, and this brought parents to full and dutiful submission to children, expecting absolutely nothing in return, fearing the Lord in their children.

It is a myth that children with ODD just need more structure. They actually need less. When you give a child with ODD less structure, they create their own structure. This approach works not only with children with ODD, but with any child. The idea is that instead of being strict on a child, give them a safe place to be strict with themselves. All children need to learn how to be strict with themselves anyway, and children with ODD are simply the canaries in the coal mine in that regard. 

I myself had traits of ODD as a child, but not the full-blown disorder, and I simply wanted control in my life, and felt controlled by every single adult around me, so I controlled them back, or at least tried to. Most children, during a specific developmental phase, want to control back when forcefully reprimanded by adults. If this continues into the school years, and/or gets worse, the child might have ODD, and you may have to sound a bit nicer to them in order for them to not feel controlled.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!