Zero expectations in parenting: Why expectations in parenting come from entitlement

Many parents think that they need to set high expectations for their children. This is a common attitude amongst American parents. Most American parents set expectations of some kind for their children. Then, they get all out of sorts when children don't meet such high and lofty expectations. The fact of the matter is that expectations in parenting, at all, come from entitlement. State your preferences instead.

The Greek root word denoting entitlement, including parental entitlement, and cross-referencing the Tenth Commandment is πλεονέκτης (Latin: pleonektés) and is defined as, officially speaking, wanting things from children, to the point of imposition. It is good not to want things in life, including from children. But, since we all want things from children, it is good to ask politely and appropriately, accepting when children can't or won't give us what we want from them. Entitlement, including parental entitlement, comes from a place of expectations. Whenever you impose expectations on someone else, including a child, you set yourself up for sore disappointment when things don't go your way, or else, in the case of children, when children don't behave the way you want them to. Parental entitlement is a temper tantrum where you blow your top when a child doesn't do what you want them to do. Controlling attitudes are a form of expectations, and both come from entitlement.

Where do expectations come from? The lowest level of expecting entitlement towards children, or any form of entitlement, is a deserving attitude. Chances are, if you are imposing expectations onto children, you feel at some level that you deserve things to go smoothly and orderly in terms of your children's behaviors. Children rarely behave in a peaceable and orderly manner. They are still learning how to behave, and so we should cut them some slack. You, as a parent, are a depraved and decadent sinner who is deserving of absolutely nothing, from children or anyone else. Thus, you have no right to expect anything from your child.

Instead, state preferences for your child. Preferences are non-imposed statement as to what parents would prefer in terms of behavior towards children. When you back up a preference by punishment or other use of force, it becomes an expectation. An expectation implies a desire to control your child, and children, like other human beings, cannot be controlled. Instead of ordering your child as to what kind of behavior you would like to see, say "I would prefer..." as a statement, and if they don't fit your preferences, assume that they are not listening because they are cognitive incapable of following your instructions, which is usually the case when children don't follow instructions.

Parental entitlement is dealt with explicitly in the Bible, and in offense format. It says in Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up this legal context in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child.

Parental entitlement usually consists of any expectations imposed onto a child, when in deadly format, and when the child perceives offense or damages from the imposed expectations, it becomes child abuse. Deadly entitlement is want, imposed. Want, imposed amounts to an expectation. Whenever adult expectations for children fall short, adults get sorely disappointed. So, why expect anything at all from a child?

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!