Attention-seeking behavior: What to do when children are begging for attention

Many parents have been in this situation. Their child is behaving in a way that is begging for attention. Most American parents punish children who are attention-seeking. Most American parents do not understand attention-seeking children. The fact of the matter is that attention-seeking behavior is a result of a deficit of attention given to the child. All children deserve loving attention from their parents.

Giving children loving attention is part of the Christian doctrine of mutual submission, and takes place in that context. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children as they would to God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Parents are to submit to their children as their enemy from beneath, yet from above, revering children as extensions of God.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents are put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined undet the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment in biblical times was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up this legal context in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child.

Children have five basic categories of needs; food, water, shelter, transportation, and attachment - and attachment is the greatest of all of these needs! All provisions of needs to a child should ideally take place within the context of a secure attachment. Attention is one of the greatest attachment needs that a child has. All children need attention, yet most children don't usually get the attention they very so need and deserve. Then, they present with attention-seeking behavior, and nobody seems to know why.

How do you provide a child with loving attention? Mothers in biblical times, when children cried out for attention, provided for the child nourishment and sustenance, meaning she provided skin-on-skin comfort for an attention-seeking child, and if the child was milk-dependent, offered to breastfeed the child, wherever she was, whatever she was doing at the time. 

Children, in biblical times, wore absolutely no clothing, at all, until they became adults. Women only wore clothing outside the home, with women otherwise going in the nude, in order to serve their husbands and their children, separately. Mothers provided for children nourishment and sustenance, namely attachment parenting items such as breastfeeding and skin-on-skin comfort. Children never left the side of their mothers until age 6 in biblical times, with children ranging beside their mothers, and clinging to mothers when they were crying or upset. Many times, children cried out for attention, and those cries were met with warm, loving attention. Children in biblical times got all of their attachment needs met, including their need for attention.

How can the abovementioned context be applied today? When your child is begging for attention, give them attention in a way that they aren't currently asking. If a child is goofing off in a way that just isn't funny, don't laugh, but maybe disrobe if you are at home, and then invite them to take off their clothing. Then, hold them close to your bosom, reassuring them that you know that they need attention, which should lead to tears releasing the upset of being ignored. If they are seeking attention in a public place, take them to the nearest restroom, and tuck them under your shirt, reassuring them similarly. The reason they are acting that way is that they have an attention deficit of another type, meaning YOU aren't paying enough attention to them. The best and most natural way to pay attention to your child is to provide them with skin-on-skin comfort. That resets everything, and helps them recharge so they won't be demanding attention from the teacher, or other students in the classroom. 

The more you give children loving attention, the less they will demand it in other contexts. The idea is to give them attention in some way when they are acting out just to get attention. Many times, when children cry, they are crying for attention, just like an infant cries for attention. In such a case, mothers can treat their children to skin-on-skin comfort, just as spelled out in the abovementioned paragraph. Simply disrobe and invite your child to disrobe, with then the mother embracing them, or else with the mother tucking her child under her shirt in a restroom in public. 

There are many ways to give a child attention when they are acting out for it, including just going for a walk. However, children should have all of their needs met in this regard from the beginning. Never ignore a crying child, no matter what age they are. All children need attention as a core need of theirs. It is the greatest of their attachment needs. Once you comfort your crying child - preferably in skin-on-skin format - you will likely find that they cry more to you. That's actually a good sign, as this means that they trust you enough to confide their tears into you. You will then find that your child has vulnerable needs that you may not have been meeting before. 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!