"You will eat everything on your plate": Why never to make a child eat everything on their plate

Many parents will, throughout their Christmas Day festivities, come to the same combination of words - "You will eat everything on your plate". This is a common attitude parents take towards their children. They are expecting gratitude from their children in what was put in front of them, and they want their children to show them that gratitude. However, it is a very harmful lesson to ram into your child.

First, the health warning to making your child eat everything on their plate. If you force a child to eat everything on their plate, they will grow up to be an overeater. When a child pushes away their plate, just like with an adult, that means they are full, and their little bodies can't handle any more food. This is basic health science here. The more you eat, the more you get used to eating, and the less you listen to your instincts that tell you that you are full. I am glad my parents never did this to me. I can easily tell when I am full - it is when I lose interest in the food. 

What is gratitude? In order to understand what true gratitude is, you need to know and experience Christian love. The Greek root word denoting Christian love in the New Testament is αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to, in the context of parenting, prioritizing children first, and yourself as a parent last, to the point of dutiful and selfless submission to children as one would God, expecting absolutely nothing in return. True Love does not come from pride or desire, but instead a place of fearful conviction, where parents are convicted that they are a depraved and decadent sinner, who is deserving of absolutely nothing, from children or anyone else. This leads to parents/sinners paying due penance for their wicked sin nature by way of serving the every vulnerable need of their children. 

"Expecting absolutely nothing in return" implies expecting absolutely nothing at all, from anyone. Gratitude comes from lack of expectations due to being in love (the right way). It is not a teaching that can easily be beaten into children. Children need to internalize through the atmosphere what gratitude is, by way of watching the grateful example of their parents and other children.

A grateful example, however, has to be backed up by something. Punitive parenting only leads to resentment of parents, even if they do go the way you want them to. Attachment parenting is the only way. Children, in biblical times, wore absolutely no clothing, at all, until they became adults. Women only wore clothing outside the home, and otherwise went in the nude, in order to serve their husbands and their children, separately. Mothers served children by way of providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely attachment parenting items such as breastfeeding and skin-on-skin comforting strategies. The core aspect of Christian attachment parenting in the 1st Century was skin-on-skin co-sleeping, with mother and child sleeping next to each other in the nude, and with children soaking up the rays of skin-to-skin contact with mothers. Fathers also form a secure attachment by witnessing mother-child bonding. Fathers usually had a sexual attachment to their children, usually with daughters. Fathers usually dealt with these unrequited lusts by purging them with masturbatory fantasy.

When children are given an attachment parenting upbringing, they want to be like parents. Thus, it is the responsibility of the parent to discipline themselves and chasten themselves up in the Lord. This can be done using the hourglass method, meaning finding fault in one part of your parenting - a good place to start is either parent anger or parent attraction. Then, declare yourself a depraved and decadent sinner based on this realization, knowing that you are deserving of absolutely nothing, from children or anyone else, due to this realization. At first, you feel awful, but then you understand why you feel awful - you need to earn your worth, as worth does not come for free. You then find yourself giving to your children, without expecting or demanding anything in return. As soon as you start helping and serving others, you start to feel good about yourself. You, at the same time, start to notice everything around you, and give thanks to the Lord for everything around you, as you surely know God could roll everything back if He wanted to.

Children naturally come to the same thought patterns as their parents. Punishment of any kind breaks this bond that allows children to follow the example of their parents. Thus, children can be disciplined by allowing them to discipline themselves. In an attachment parenting environment, this happens on its own, and children absorb and internalize the values system of their parents, and this values system can be Judeo-Christian values. See Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers to Christian discipline, or non-entitlement to the level of undeservingness. In the original context of this verse, this would have been surely understood as being a chastened up example for your children. The chastening of the Lord is the Christian attitude that one is a depraved and decadent sinner who is deserving of absolutely nothing, and thus is to be grateful for absolutely everything, leading to the parent being a chastened up example for their children. This example was to be backed up by attachment parenting.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech, stemming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and was understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding your child hostage merely for things that they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up this legal context in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child.

The best way you can teach your child to clean their plate is to clean your plate yourself, and be grateful in doing so. When you acquire Christian gratitude, you naturally want to eat as much as you can, in order to impress your host. I myself was before an undereater due to my autism, meaning I stopped eating before I was fully nourished. Now, I have an initiative to eat - the other person. Children will pick up this attitude from you naturally, through the atmosphere. Gratitude is not a lesson to beat into children, as when you are in fear of punishment, you aren't really showing gratitude, but instead are playing show and tell. In order to be truly grateful, you need to take an undeserving attitude towards life, including towards children. When you aren't imposing expectations on others, you turn out naturally grateful. When you are naturally grateful, you want to please others, and part of this is wanting to clean your plate on your own, without having anyone tell you to clean your plate.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!