Policing attachment: Why parents must submit to being policed by their children

Many parents believe in policing children. More modern parents don't use the exact word "policing" to describe their parenting, but that is how most parents are in America. Most parents are "keep down" abusers in this country. The fact of the matter is that children in the Bible were demanding, and parents reverently feared them, allowing children to police them.

Policing attachment was the type of secure attachment most common in biblical times. This was part of a mutual submission relationship between parent and child. See Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be extensions of Christ in the family home, dutifully and selflessly submitting to children as they would God, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Children are to rest in the presence of parents, following mothers especially around like a gosling to a mother goose. This word refers not to listening out of fear of punishment, but listening due to a secure attachment with parents.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by a child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all punitive parenting, including punishments and controlling demeanor. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating a child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up this legal context to a group of Greek Christians who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child.

Children were seen very differently among the Early Christians. Children were seen as mighty and powerful, like God's Holy Fire. Punishing or harshly reprimanding a child was seen as poking at that Fire with a wooden stick. Children were seen as wrathful in this way, and in order to deal with children's wrath appropriately, parents were to taper down the fire that was their children, selflessly keeping the fire at bay by providing for children's every vulnerable need.

Children in biblical times were very demanding. Children made righteous demands on parents. This was seen as the wrath of children. In order to keep the wrath of children at bay, parents pleased and appeased children. Children bossed around their parents, issuing lawful and binding orders and decrees to their parents, with parents being forced to meet their children's every need and benign want. Parenting manuals from Early Church leadership spelled out what children would need, in list format, and at the end of the list, the manual threatened that even one iota of needs neglected by the parent could land the parent in Hell for eternity. Children were valued to that degree in biblical times.

Secure attachment is a necessity for a stable childhood. Secure attachment is where a child trusts you in everything, with their every emotion, and with their every secret. Policing attachment is where the child feels so comfortable with parents that they order parents around, and demand their every need, not even asking politely. Today, this is most common with children with autism in relation to their parents. But, in biblical times, every child was treated to this type of attachment. Policing attachment is an adversarial form of secure attachment where parents regard themselves as the enemy of their children, seeking to win favor with them, just as mankind is the enemy of God and is to win favor with Him. How children relate to parents is generally how they will relate to teachers, peers, or the police. Children with policing attachment don't try to police the police, but simply tell the police everything they need to know.

Children, in biblical times, wore absolutely no clothing, at all, until they became adults. Women only wore clothing outside the home, and otherwise went in the nude, in order to serve their husbands and their children, separately. Mothers served their children by providing for them nourishment and sustenance, namely breastmilk (until age 3) and skin-to-skin closeness and intimacy, respectively. Children in biblical times could tell their parents, and parents listened and validated. Usually, children cried when confiding into parents vulnerable needs. Sometimes, all children needed was attention, and parents were sure to give children the attention that they needed. Children were listened to through skin-on-skin co-snuggling and co-mingling. When children were in the home, mothers snuggled and cuddled with children in the nude in order to reassure their needs and demands. When children were outside of the home with their mother, they were wrapped in swaddling blankets and held to the bosom of mothers with those blankets, namely younger children up until age 6, but sometimes children older than that. Children cried a lot during their formative years, and then started issuing demands in the later years of childhood.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!