Children first, parents last: Understanding true Christian love for children

Many parents think that their needs come first in a parent-child relationship. This is a common sentiment amongst American parents. Most American parents put themselves first, and put their children last. This is the reverse of God's plan for the family, as understood in the biblical context.

It says in Matthew 22:35-40 KJV:

Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying, Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and all thy soul, and all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

Love is submission, and submission is love. Christian love is denoted by the Greek root word αγαπαο (Latin: agapao) and refers to, in the context of parenting, prioritizing children first, and yourself as a parent last, to the point of dutiful and selfless submission to the every vulnerable need of children, expecting absolutely nothing in return, valuing children as extensions of God. True Love does not come from pride or desire, but from fearful conviction, where a parent is convicted of the fact that they are a depraved and decadent sinner, who is deserving of absolutely nothing, from children or anyone else. This leads to the sinner/parent paying due penance by serving the every vulnerable need of children, expecting absolutely nothing in return, earning their worth. Children in biblical times were seen roughly as a neighbor, in a vulnerable yet deified type of way.

Parents are to submit dutifully and selflessly to the every vulnerable need of children, with children resting safely and securely in the wake of the submission of parents. It says in Colossians 3:20-21 KJV:

Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. 

The Greek root word translated "obey" is υπακουο (Latin: hupakouo) and refers to secure, vulnerable rest in the love and grace of parents. Children are to rest securely in the sacrifice of parents, just as parent believers rest securely in the Sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Parents are to be an extension of Christ, dutifully and selflessly submitting to the every vulnerable need of children as one would God, expecting absolutely nothing in return, with children resting safely and securely in the submission of parents. Children are to rest safely and securely in the presence of parents, following around mothers especially just as goslings to a mother goose. This commandment, as a whole, commands that both mothers and fathers form a secure attachment with their children.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages or offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but not limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by a child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishments or controlling demeanor towards children. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children one last time. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen in biblical times as holding your child hostage merely for things they did wrong, thereby treating your child as a quartered slave. Paul here was lifting up this legal context in order to convict a group of Greek Christian parents who brought their pagan custom of spanking and punishing children into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any and all punishment of a child.

Parenting in biblical times was pro-social permissive, in a pro-social child worshipping way. Children were seen as wrathful and demanding, but the point of parenting wasn't to keep down the wrath of children, but don't provoke their wrath in the first place. Parents trembled and shook in reverent fear and terror when their child was offended by something they said or did. Children were seen as deities of their own, extended by God for charity and care. Parents sought to win over the deity of their children. Parents were reverently fearful and cautious of their children being mad at them, and when children were mad at parents, parents corrected their behavior completely, then reconnected with their child. The priorities of children came first, and the priorities of parents came last. The way this played out was that Christian parents in the 1st Century, and their Jewish predecessors, were the type of parent that felt convicted not to say "no", and thus only said "no" when absolutely necessary, turning the other cheek while bearing the brunt of their child's wrath, reassuring children that "this too will pass". 

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be forever cast into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the ever-burning Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever and ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!