The word "no": How to implement proper limits in a Christian family home

Many parents know that children need limits. This is common knowledge, no matter your parenting paradigm. The question comes to how much guidance does a child need in terms of limits. The fact of the matter is that most parents set too many limits, and some not enough. It is crucial to set limits with children, but at the same time, children don't need punishment to back up those limits.

It says in Ephesians 6:4 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but instead bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

The Greek root word translated "nurture" is παιδεία (Latin: paideia) and refers here to a specific standard of Christian discipline where parents are entitled to nothing, and grateful for everything, leading to a disciplined and chastened up example for children to follow. Ultimately, though, specifically set limits and boundaries - different from a Christian example - are denoted by the Greek root word νουθεσία (Latin: nouthesia), which is translated "admonition" and refers to the Christian standard of limit setting.

How should limits be set in a Christian home? If a child is doing something you don't want them to do, ask yourself if it is just your control entitlement acting up, or if they are clearly behaving in an unsafe or disorderly manner. If they are clearly doing something unsafe or immoral, let them know that they are behaving in an unseemly manner. Beyond that point, it is up to the child to listen to directions, and if they don't, assume they didn't hear your directions, and either tolerate the behavior, or keep them safe (in the case of unsafe behavior). When children don't listen - meaning it seems to go in one ear and out the other - they don't understand what is being asked of them. If you are expecting young children to clean up their own messes, you are expecting too much of a child. This is how the ancients in the Early Church would have approached instructing a child in limits. Also, know that you should kneel down to their level, because otherwise you tower over them when you set a limit, and that can be very threatening to a child. 

Limits are not lawful orders, in the biblical sense, since it is the role of the child to set lawful and binding orders as to what they want and need, and if a want can be provided for, parents should find some way to make it work. In Ancient Jewish culture, including the Early Church, children could take their parents to court if they didn't get everything they petitioned for, and in all cases, the child prevailed in court, since parents could not countersue in court against their children. A limit is instead a parent asking from the bottom of their heart for their child to listen, politely and graciously, and if they had a good relationship with their child, the child would listen anyway.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to wrath" is παροργίζο (Latin: parorgizo) and refers to damages and offenses, namely the slightest of personal offense perceived by the child, including, but nor limited to, the slightest of offensive touch or speech perceived by the child, coming from entitlement. This commandment was intended by the Apostle Paul, and understood in its original context, as a moral statute prohibiting all forms of punitive parenting, including any punishment or controlling demeanor towards a child. In the Old Testament, punitive parents were put to death by way of bloodletting, after punishing their children too many times, and also receiving many warnings that their punitive parenting habits were in violation of the Law. Parents who punished their children were charged with kidnapping, with "kidnapping" being defined under the Law as the slightest of damages or offenses stemming from hostage-taking - child punishment was seen as holding a child hostage merely for things they did wrong. Paul was lifting up the Law for a group of Greek Christians for bringing their pagan custom into the church. Paul, contrary to popular legend, was anti-spanking, and opposed any punishment of a child whatsoever. Paul, here, was advocating for children in Greek and Roman Christian homes, educating Greek and Roman Christian parents on the proper Jewish way of raising a child. See also Colossians 3:21 KJV:

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

The Greek root word translated "provoke...to anger" here is ερεθιζο (Latin: erethizo) and refers to damages and offenses towards a child, period, end of sentence. Many like to create a gaslighting train of logic to explain away the commandment in Eph. 6:4 to not provoke a child to wrath, but it does not hold up to the scrutiny of cross-referencing verses such as this one, which shed light on the clause in Eph. 6:4, which should be seen as an anti-spanking clause, as it was interpreted in that light. Men in Ancient Jewish culture were anti-spanking narcissists, and any striking or punishment of a child in that culture provoked outrage in the general public. The word "no", in and of itself, could be a provocation to anger if said too often, said when not necessary, or when backed up by punishment. Making a child cry at all, which is what happens with limits, was seen as a damage or an offense if done in vain.

The depraved and entitled parents who provoke their children to anger through punitive parenting will not inherit the Kingdom of God! Let them be cast forever into the lake of fire and burning sulfur, which is the second death prepared for Satan and his accomplices! Let them descend into the abyss which is the Hell of fire and torment, suffering God's Wrath forever nnd ever! Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand!